Before you say “I do,” it’s important to consider all of the benefits that come with premarital counseling. According to recent studies, couples who undergo premarital counseling are more likely to have a successful marriage. Premarital counseling can help you and your partner address any potential issues before they become a problem. In this blog post, we will discuss 14 benefits of premarital counseling for a successful marriage.
Here are the best resources that go hand in hand with this guide. (Available on Amazon--Start a 30-day free trial here)
- Preparing for Marriage Couples Guide
- Preparing for Marriage Leaders Guide
- The Meaning of Marriage-Timothy Keller
- Devotions for Engaged Couples- Gary Thomas
Not sure where to start with a premarital counseling conversation, start here.
Here are 14 benefits of premarital counseling:
Related Post: Tips to Prepare for a Successful Marriage [A Comprehensive Guide]
1. A chance to explore different areas of conflict before they become unmanageable.
Premarital counseling benefits couples by giving them an opportunity to explore different areas of conflict before they become unmanageable. For example, if the couple has experienced a previous broken engagement there might be unresolved issues that could resurface in their present union. To mitigate that possibility, premarital counseling provides a chance for the couple to explore why the engagement broke off and how extremely strong feelings of anger or sadness could be resolved before they ruin another relationship.
Examples of questions to discuss in line with this could be;
(a) “What kinds of problems did you encounter when you were dating?” and “What is one thing we can do to avoid the same situation in our marriage?”
(b) What have you done in the past that could be a problem for us in the future?
2. Helps you learn how to communicate with your partner, which is critical for a successful marriage.
Another premarital counseling benefit is that it helps couples learn how to communicate with each other. If you don’t know the benefits of good communication, I’ll give you a hint: without it, there is no trust and definitely no intimacy.
In premarital counseling, couples will learn what healthy boundaries are for their relationship and how they can express themselves in healthy ways. They might even get a chance to role-play different types of conversations to help them get started before these topics come up naturally in daily life.
Questions to discuss in line with this could be:
(a) “What are some benefits of being able to express emotions?” and “What are some benefits of being able to have personal space?”
(b) “How would you describe your communication style? Are there any things that you tend not to say or share because they might upset me or vice versa? How can we improve our communication within the relationship so that you feel comfortable sharing these things?”
(c) “What are some benefits of using active listening?” and “In your past relationships, what would you consider successful communication? How do you think we can improve our communication within the relationship?”
(d) “How do you feel when I express my emotions in a healthy way? What benefits do you see from being able to share your emotions with me? What benefits do you see from being able to have personal space when needed?”
These questions are useful in creating a safe environment for in-depth and meaningful conversation, which is crucial to a successful relationship.
Related Post: 78 Premarital counseling Questions
3. Provides the opportunity to develop realistic expectations about marriage
This is by learning how to manage conflict and communicate more effectively with each other before making commitments.
Expectations are an important part of any relationship. There’s a difference between having some kind of expectation and being unrealistic. It’s more realistic to expect little hiccups here and there rather than believing that your partner will never disappoint you. Premarital counseling helps couples determine what expectations are healthy for their marriage so they can avoid unnecessary disappointment.
Questions to discuss in line with this could be:
(a) “How can we balance being hopeful of a good marriage but also have an accurate perspective on what it takes to have a successful one?”
(b) “In your past relationships, did you find yourself feeling disillusioned or disappointed because expectations were not met? What benefits might our relationship gain from having some realistic expectations for the future?”
(c) What expectation do you have of me as a husband/wife? How do you think we can manage these expectations as the future goes on to avoid unnecessary disappointments?”
We can conclude that premarital counseling helps couples identify and clarify their expectations of one another, which are necessary for any healthy functioning relationship.
4. Helps couples identify personal needs, values, beliefs, and fears associated with commitment to another person.
Arguably the most important benefit of premarital counseling is to help couples identify their needs, values, beliefs, and fears about committing to each other.
In the past, I’ve seen couples drift from each other because values and beliefs were clashing. Others stay together but get unhappy because they don’t know how to communicate about what they need or want from the relationship. Premarital counseling will help you discover how to build your relationship on a foundation of friendship, love, and mutual understanding.
Questions to discuss in line with this could be:
(a) “What benefits might our relationship gain from developing shared values?” and “What benefits might our relationship gain if we shared the same beliefs about certain matters?”
(b) “In what ways are you similar with me? What benefits do you think there are from being similar or having similarities with my personality/way of thinking/way of the world?”
(c) “In what ways are you different from me? What benefits do you think there are from being different or having differences with my personality/way of thinking/
Once we learn how similar or different we are then we can make an informed decision whether to commit or not commit to marriage.
Related Post: Do Pastors Charge for premarital counseling?
5. Allows for open communication through addressing personal history, family of origin issues, and previous relationships.
Even if you’ve only been dating for a few weeks, there’s still a good chance that you can figure out something about your partner that may help you better understand why they act the way they do.
Before you get married, you should address personal history and family-of-origin concerns. If you do this, you will be able to resolve issues together as a couple. It’s a lot more simpler if both of you try to solve the problem.
The benefits to discussing past relationships are twofold: first, it allows for an understanding of how past experiences have contributed to the development of your partner’s worldview, and second, it allows for an understanding about how past relationships have contributed to making your partner who they are today.
Questions to discuss in line with this could be:
(a) “What benefits might our relationship gain if we had a better understanding of each other’s personal history?”
(b) “In what ways do you feel like I was able to resolve problems without considering your thoughts or feelings? In what ways would you like me to change these habits so that we can work on resolving this issue together more effectively?”
(c) How has my family impacted who I am today (i.e., values, way of thinking)?
(d) Do you think that I’ve been projecting my past on you, especially during a conflict?
Knowing about each other’s personal and prior experiences will help you deal with difficulties much more swiftly, which is a tremendous advantage of premarital therapy.
6.The Conversation Lays a good foundation for marriage
A wise man built his house on a firm foundation. Allow me to use a bible scripture from the book of Matthew 7:24-27 to illustrate this point. The context of the verse is our faith in Christ but can also be used to address the issue of foundation.
24 “Therefore everyone who hears these words of mine and puts them into practice is like a wise man who built his house on the rock. 25 The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house; yet it did not fall, because it had its foundation on the rock. 26 But everyone who hears these words of mine and does not put them into practice is like a foolish man who built his house on sand. 27 The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house, and it fell with a great crash.”
Matthew 7:24-27
Even though this scripture is not talking directly about marriage, it’s a good reflection of what difference a strong foundation makes. Especially when the wind blows and the storm comes of which every marriage experiences some winds and some storms. The question is will your marriage survive the storm?
Pre-marital counseling will lay a good foundation by providing a picture of God’s purpose and plan for marriage. A couple needs to be able to answer these two questions, which will help lay a good foundation for their marriage.
Pre-marriage counseling helps couples answer the question WHY?
- Why are we getting married?
- What’s God’s design, purpose, and plan for Marriage?
Your relationship will be put to the test, and if you don’t set a solid foundation, your chances of surviving are slim. But let’s move on to the next benefit.
6. Helps couples assess how well suited for each other they are and identify their strengths and weaknesses.
The point of premarital therapy is for couples to assess how well-suited they are for marriage and identify their strengths and weaknesses. If both partners don’t see eye-to-eye with each other, it could spell disaster when trying to overcome tricky situations together in the future.
Premarital counseling helps you determine how compatible you are, by pinpointing your strengths and weaknesses. It also helps you work on strengthening each other’s weaknesses and reinforcing each other’s strengths so that you both have a firm foundation for a successful marriage.
Questions to discuss in line with this could be:
(a) What are my greatest strengths and limitations, and how do they impact our relationship?
(b) How do you deal with stress or pressure?
(c) What would you like me to learn about you so that we both can better understand each other’s strengths and weaknesses?
Different people have different ways of thinking. It is important to know what your partner thinks. For instance, some people deal with stress by getting active (exercise), others like to work through the problem alone, while some like to talk it out (counseling). Knowing these differences will help you better understand your partner and be able to relate better with him/her on the road ahead after marriage.
7. you may get an opportunity to go through some personality assessments such as The Five Love Languages, EQ-i 2 .0, or StrengthsFinder
Personality and love language play a significant role in our lives, especially when it comes to a successful marriage. A personality assessment can help you evaluate your strengths and how they can contribute to your relationship.
While a love language test will help you determine both you and your partner’s dominant love language. Being aware of these details will help you better understand what makes your partner tick and how to approach them when they are upset.
Questions to discuss in line with this could be:
(a) What is my personality type? How do I deal with stress? What are my likes and dislikes? Where can I improve?
(b) What is my love language? How would I like to receive love from others (and why)? Knowing the importance of this, what am I doing (or not doing) that shows that I genuinely care for my partner’s needs (i.e., speaking his/her “love language”)?
(c) What were some of the things that stood out to you about my assessments?
I am not saying that you have to share everything with your partner. It does not mean that you are expected to immediately bare your heart out at the first session. However, being able to open up about past hurts, fears, personal challenges or disappointments helps build rapport with your therapist and allows him/her to find effective ways to help you work through issues in your relationship – which is, of course, one of the biggest benefits of premarital counseling.
8.Helps you Prioritize each other over your personal desires.
Prioritizing each other ‘s needs can be a challenge especially if you’re not used to doing it. In premarital counseling, your therapist will help you discover ways to ensure that both of your needs are met – meet your partner’s needs first before trying to meet your own desires. Knowing how to prioritize each other’s needs allows you to focus on preserving and nurturing the relationship as opposed to protecting yourself from getting hurt.
Questions to discuss in line with this could be:
(a) What personal desires or unhealthy habits might get in the way of my relationship? How do I plan on dealing with them?
(b) Where have I not prioritized us in the past? What adjustments can we make to ensure that both of us are satisfied throughout our relationship?
Paul in the book of Philippians put’s it so well, Philippians 2:3-4 NIV
Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others.
Philippians 2:3-4 NIV
This kind of mindset doesn’t come naturally, you must be intentional.
“Listen to understand not to respond”
—Stephen R. Covey
9. Equips you with conflict resolution skills to help you combat issues in your future together
One of the many challenges that married couples face is how they handle conflicts. Being able to effectively resolve issues before they become bigger problems is a game-changer. Premarital counseling equips couples with the skills to effectively manage conflicts.
Questions to discuss in line with this could be:
(a) How often do we tend to fight? What are our respective triggers?
(b) What issues have we resolved on our own, and how can it be improved upon according to what you’ve learned from your premarital counseling session?
In premarital counseling, your therapist can help you discover ways on how to deal with difficult situations emotions consistently so that it becomes
In the book Win your war by Mark and Grace Driscoll they bring out the element of spiritual warfare in marriage. The idea is once you get married the enemy is after you to destroy your marriage. If you as a couple are not united as a team you will start to fight each other instead of fighting the issue.
Mark 3:25
25 If a house is divided against itself, it cannot stand.
10. Help a couple develop healthy routines
People develop intentional and unintentional routines. In marriage, you must be intentional in the routines you develop and cultivate. John Gottman Ph.D. and Nan Silver Relationship Experts and authors of the Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work observed that healthy habits and routines will help improve your love maps.
We’ve been trying to establish intentional healthy routines since we got married. Wednesday date nights and praying together every night are two of our current favorites. These two activities didn’t occur naturally; we had to be intentional and push each other in order for them to flourish. There were times when we didn’t want to do it, but we persisted until we found a balance.
These two routines are important because we believe in fighting our battle on our knees. Our Wednesday date night is an opportunity for us to talk because we believe when we talk we make it better. You can check our YouTube channel for more of this conversation.
11. Assists couples in avoiding common marriage mistakes.
In a premarital counseling session, a counselor or a pastor may bring in an older married couple to share their marital narrative. This is generally a wonderful opportunity for young couples to learn from these people’s experiences.
They can ask questions and gain insight from the mistakes as well as triumphs of the pair. It’s critical that you recognize that you don’t know everything there is to know about marriage. Listening to other older couples may help you avoid common marriage problems. A premarital counseling program will assist you in establishing and beginning a mentorship connection with an older couple.
Even though a premarital counseling workbook will help you start conversations, you will benefit more from wise counsel from older couples.
Questions to discuss in regards to this;
(a) What are the common problems that other couples have faced in marriages?
(b) How do these issues compare to our own?
(c) Who are the couples that may be a positive influence on our relationship, as well as the future life we will have together?
Bonus-What would you tell us if we were sitting in front of you, struggling with this issue? is a good question to ask a mentor couple…
12. Help you understand intimacy and how to develop it
Last Sunday, my wife and I were having a premarital counseling session with a couple from church. We noticed that both of them were uncomfortable as we went through the topic of sex and intimacy. Apparently, they hadn’t spoken about these topics before. Thank you, God-send, premarital counseling, because now they have the opportunity to have this conversation.
This is the benefit of having a premarital counseling session before getting married. It gives you and your spouse a chance to talk about things you never thought you would discuss. Before marriage, most Christian couples don’t address sex. Most married people are unfamiliar with how to build intimacy.
I’m glad that you and your partner have the opportunity to receive premarital counseling and learn how to connect and cultivate your intimacy.
Questions to ask in regards to this;
(a) What are the biggest obstacles that stop us from growing and gaining intimacy?
(b) Why did we wait so long to address these topics?
(c) As we abstain before marriage what are your challenges?
13. Premarital counseling Help You Set Boundaries With Inlaws
Weddings are always a happy occasion, and marriage is the joining of two families. For others, discussing in-laws is a breeze; for others, it’s a nightmare. I hope your relationship with your in-laws goes well. If not,I wish you both the best of luck learning how to deal with in-laws if things don’t work out between you two.
Going through premarital counseling will teach you how to work on relationships with your in-laws. Many people marry the love of their life and it seems like they don’t pay attention to what others think about their decision. In-law relationships are often times complicated, but premarital counseling will help you establish healthy boundaries from the get-go.
Questions to discuss in regards to this;
(a) How do we see our in-laws?
(b) What challenges might be ahead for us?
Marriage is a lifetime commitment with another person and a whole batch of other people in their family. It important to know how to set boundaries and communicate them effectively.
14. Provide A safe space to talk about finances
Let me tell you something if you haven’t been informed yet. Money is a key issue in marriage. Finances are one of the main subjects addressed in a premarital program. A premarital therapist will assist you in determining your money personality and how it may conflict or complement your partner’s.
The NCBI (National Center for Biotechnology Information) conducted research and concluded that financial problem is among the top reasons why couples divorce.
As you prepare to get married, take time to discuss your money situation. Make sure this conversation is settled before you say I do.
Questions to discuss;
(a) What are your financial goals?
(b) Where do you want to be financially in five years?
(c) How will we manage our money together?
Pre-marital counseling helps couples navigate issues. It’s not always easy to talk about finances, but it is necessary if you expect to live a stress-free life with your spouse. This is the benefit of premarital therapy. You can discuss anything and everything with your partner knowing that there is no judgment or criticism only support and love all around the room. I believe this leads toward healthier communication patterns after marriage as well.
Ideally, both partners should express how they feel about every topic under the sun so there are no surprises later on
Final thoughts: Benefits of premarital counseling for success in marriage
Marriage requires work; however, I believe that premarital counseling is the best way to go about it. You must understand that with any relationship, you will encounter problems, and having at least one professional (therapist) there to help you through such times will make a world of difference in your life.
Note: Positive change doesn’t happen overnight. Successful marriages require hard work, patience, commitment, and perseverance. While love can make things easier, it is not enough. Couples need to put in some effort if they want their marriage to succeed. You may have also heard that “absence makes the heart grow fonder.
Good luck in your future life together.
