Marriage is hard. Finding a good balance between your needs and the needs of your spouse can be even harder. If you’re not careful, your marriage can become a routine that doesn’t include much time for each other.
It’s often easy to forget that you are two individuals with unique personalities who need different things from each other in order for both of you to feel loved and fulfilled.
We created this guide as an easy way for you to discover your spouse’s primary love language and learn simple ways to better communicate through their preferred method of expressing affection. Discovering your spouse’s love language will help you meet their deepest emotional needs and strengthen your relationship over time.
If you’re in a hurry you can pick the book The Five Love Languages Here or on Amazon.
What Is love language?
Love languages are the five primary ways that all humans express and receive love.
Each love language has its own unique way of giving and receiving love, which makes it special to those who speak that love language. In other words, how each person shows love is different from person to person. For example: instead of saying “I love you” verbally, to someone whose primary love language is a gift, buy them a gift to express that love.
Every person has at least one love language that they prefer or need in order to feel that their spouse loves them. These love languages are listed below with an explanation of what each one means.
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1) Words of Affirmation
If your love language is words of affirmation, you probably love getting and giving handwritten love notes. You love telling people close to you how much they mean to you and hearing it back from them as well.
This love language isn’t just about receiving compliments; it’s also about verbally affirming the other person when they’re finished doing something. Saying things like “I love how you always take such good care of our children” or “Thank you for cooking every night” tells the person that they’ve done something right and is a wonderful way to affirm your love for them.
If your spouse is a “word of affirmation” kind of person, here are some activities to do together.
- Reading love notes to each other
- Writing love notes and leaving them around for your spouse to find throughout the day
- Writing love notes and sending them as text messages or emails
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2) Quality Time
Quality time means giving your spouse your undivided attention when you’re with them. Spouses who have quality time as their love language need to have meaningful conversations, spend enjoyable activities together, and share any adventures they get to go on. It’s also helpful for friends or family members of the love language quality time person to spend time with them, even if you’re doing something low-key like watching a movie together.
When your spouse spends time with you without distractions or other commitments, this love language is being fulfilled.
“Quality time people” love having uninterrupted conversations that are meaningful and focus on what’s going on in the other person’s life. They love feeling like their spouse is truly interested in what they’re saying.
If your spouse is a “Quality time” kind of person, here are some activities to do together.
- Going on a date night and leaving the kids behind
- Going out to dinner instead of eating in front of the TV
- Inviting friends over for drinks or just staying home with them
- Spending an afternoon at a local market or visiting different vendors together as a family
3) Acts of Service
When your love language is acts of service, you love knowing that your spouse is willing to help out with any tasks in the household or in your life.
Acts of service mean that your spouse does things to help you without being asked. This love language isn’t just about doing the dishes, picking up around the house, or other tasks – it’s also about being there for your spouse when they’re sick and offering to do whatever you can to help them feel better.
Acts of service love language people love being able to rely on their spouse and know that they’ll get the help they need – even if it’s just a backrub or a cup of tea. This love language is also about taking care of each other in every situation. Spouses with acts of service love language love knowing that their spouse cares enough about them to do whatever they can to help them feel better and make their lives easier.
If your spouse is an “Acts of service” kind of person, here are some activities to do together.
- Running errands for each other Helping with household tasks like washing the dishes or taking out the trash
- Being there when they’re sick and offering to make them tea or soup
- Offer to cook
4) Physical Touch
Physical touch is a love language that’s all about feeling love through your spouse’s physical touch. Whether it’s a backrub, kissing each other goodnight, holding hands while you’re walking down the street, or any other way that you love to physically connect with one another, this love language is about “putting love into action.”
Physical touch people love knowing that their spouse cares enough to touch them and be close with them. It’s not just about sex; it also means holding hands, kissing goodbye at the end of the day, or putting your head on their shoulder while you’re watching a movie together.
If your spouse is a “Physical touch” kind of person, here are some activities to do together.
- Holding hands or snuggling on the couch while watching TV
- Kissing each other goodbye every morning and goodnight before bed
- Hugging one another when you leave the house or come back home after being gone all
This love language isn’t just materialistic – it’s about how much the person who gives the gift cares for you and wants to show you, love. Even if it’s a small gift, gift people love knowing that their spouse cares enough to give them something that they know will love.
Knowing your spouse’s love language not only helps you learn how to love them better – but it also makes sure that they’re getting what they need from your relationship as well.
If your spouse love language is “gifts,” here are some ideas to do together:
- Don’t forget birthdays and special days- Make sure you have a gift for
- Baking cookies or making them a special dinner as a surprise Make something for them and give it to them as a gift
Love language is divided into two
- Primary love language
- Secondary love language
Primary love language
Your primary language of love is how you most often communicate and receive love from others.
Your secondary language of love is just as important as your primary -it’s the second most common way you communicate and receive love from others, but it’s not quite as strong for your primary one.
Secondary love language
A person whose primary love language is acts of service often gives to others through acts of service – especially when they’re motivated by their own feelings and desires. Acts of service aren’t the only way these people give to
Once you identify your spouse’s love language, make sure they know their love language as well – and don’t be afraid to ask them questions if you’re not sure. You can also take this quiz to help determine what your love languages are. Having your love language identified will help you both communicate better and support each other – which can go a long way in strengthening your marriage.
Tips for strengthening your marriage and making it last long-term!
Communicate Your love language- talk to your spouse and be open about what you love and need from the relationship. Make sure they understand what love language you fall under so that they can do their best to love you through yours.
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Show love every day– Although the love languages are “five love languages,” it’s important to remember that there are hundreds of different ways for you and your spouse to love each other.
Always be trying to love them in a way that works best for their love language; even if it’s different from yours (and remember love languages aren’t only limited to the five listed here).
Find time to talk– As hard as love languages can be to understand, it’s even harder when you and your spouse don’t have enough time to talk. Every relationship needs communication- Set aside time every day (or at least a few times a week) just to sit down and talk about what’s going on in each other’s lives. This is key if love languages are going to work for you.
Focus on your partner’s love language- love languages are important because they help you love your spouse through love in the way that they feel loved most. This means focusing on their love language and making sure that you’re taking care of it every day.
Be patient– Learning a love language takes time. Both you and your spouse have to be committed to spending time with one another, learning about each other, and really figuring out what love language works best for both of you as individuals.
It’s okay to try- Remember that every relationship is different; some people’s love languages might not work well with others or might fit with your love language more easily.
Make sure you’re committed to learning and growing in the relationship – but don’t be afraid to try new things, even if they seem hard at first!