What are the premarital counseling finance questions discussed in pre-marital class?
According to research, money is one of the biggest reasons why couples separate and divorce. It seems that premarital counseling in financial matters is not something most people want to do, but making sure these discussions are on the table can be an excellent way of protecting your relationship for years to come.
Premarital counseling allows you to discuss important financial matters way before you commit.
Here are the best resources that go hand in hand with this guide. (Available on Amazon--Start a 30-day free trial here)
- Preparing for Marriage Couples Guide
- Preparing for Marriage Leaders Guide
- The Meaning of Marriage-Timothy Keller
- Devotions for Engaged Couples- Gary Thomas
Not sure where to start with a premarital counseling conversation, start here.
Here are 50 questions to discuss in premarital counseling.
What are your thoughts on finances in general?
We’ve all heard the phrase “money can’t buy happiness.” While it’s true that money doesn’t equal happiness, it does play a key role. Understanding what your partner thinks about money is vital to the success of your financial conversation.
This is a broad question that can encompass everything from the importance of money in life, how they feel about saving and spending, their views on wealth distribution, etc. Discussing this question will help you understand your partner’s financial habits before making any commitments with them.
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Example Question?
- What do you think about money?
- How was money introduced to you?
- What is your money personality?
- What is your budgeting philosophy?
- How do you feel about debt and credit cards?
- Do you have any money secrets or regrets that we should know about?
- Is there anything I can help with to make sure our financial situation works for us both now and in the future?
What are your thoughts on credit cards?
Debt can be a tricky topic for many couples. For some, debt is the last thing they want to deal with while others see it as an easy way out of their problems. Understanding where you and your partner stand when it comes to debt will help protect one another from making any future mistakes that could lead to financial ruin.
This is a broad question that can encompass everything from how they feel about debt, their past experiences with credit cards or other types of loans, and what you can do in the future if one partner has problems paying off their bills on time. These topics are brought up because it’s important to know what your partner thinks before getting hitched.
Examples questions,
- Do you have any debts or financial problems that need to be addressed before marriage (examples include student loans, medical bills)
- Do you have any financial commitments that I should know about? (examples include supporting family member, giving to charity etc)
- Do you have a credit card? If so, what is your limit and are there any other cards that you use for purchases
- What is your thoughts on debt?
- How do feel about credit card usage?
- If I had to pay off debts or go into debt would it be ok with you as long as we worked together on the plan?
- What if I had to go into debt for an emergency expense, would you help with that or be upset about it?
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What are your thoughts on budgeting?
Budgeting is a big topic and budgeting philosophies are often different. Make sure to ask your partner what their budgeting philosophy is so that you can have an understanding of how each party plans to approach the subject in the future.
This is a broad question that can encompass budgeting philosophies, budgeting styles, and what your partner thinks about spending. These topics are brought up because it’s important to know how you feel about budgeting when deciding if this person will be the one for you.
Examples questions:
- What budgeting style do you like?
- What budgeting style should we use?
- How do you feel about budgeting with someone else (long-term)?
- Do you like to budget alone or openly talk about this process together?
- Are there items that are nonnegotiable in your budget? (examples include rent, food)
- Is it ok if I purchase something that is not budgeted?
- How much do you budget each month to spend on your personal wants and needs?
- Is there anything I can budget or change in our budget so we have spending money for the future?
It’s important to understand how both people feel about budgeting, it will help lead to a successful budget in the future.
What are your thoughts on Join account?
If you are considering getting married, it only makes sense to get all your finances in order and under budget. Some people prefer to keep things separate while others would rather combine their funds into one account.
This is another broad question that could encompass many different topics such as combining accounts or keeping them separate and what each partner prefers when managing money together. These topics are brought up because they help to understand how you and your partner think about budgeting.
Examples questions:
- Should we have a joint or separate accounts?
- Do you think we should combine our debt into one account or keep them separate?
- What are your thoughts on combining the budget and accounts in order to have a joint budget that’s easier for both of us to manage?
- The decisions made when it comes to finances will play an important?
- Do we both have access to each other’s bank accounts?
What are your thoughts on Saving?
Saving is an important topic that can be difficult to address. Make sure you take this time to discuss your thoughts on saving, how much you should or want to save and what role each partner will have in the process
This part of premarital counseling could include topics like saving for a house, retirement savings, and more. These questions are important in premarital counseling because they help to understand how you and your partner feel about saving for the future.
Examples questions:
- What amount of money do you want or need saved before we get married?
- Do you want to budget for saving or will we save automatically?
- Is there a specific time and frequency that you would like to have money saved (ex. monthly)?
- Is it ok if we save pre-tax dollars in a pre-approved retirement account?
- What are your thoughts on the concept of saving for emergencies?
- Do you agree with having an emergency fund or not?
- How much money should our emergency fund have before we get married ?
- Do you feel that it’s important to have an emergency fund pre-marriage?
- How much should we save each month?
Whats your take on investments?
For premarital counseling, it’s important to discuss your feelings on investing in the future and whether or not you want to invest together. There are many things to discuss when it comes to investing, including your thoughts on risk tolerance and comfort level.
Examples questions:
- What type of investments do you want? (examples include stocks, bonds, mutual funds)
- Would you prefer that we invest pre-tax or post tax dollars?
- Do you think we should combine our investments into one account or keep them separate?
Whats your take on giving to church and charity?
The premarital counseling session is the perfect place to discuss your thoughts on charitable giving. These questions will help you understand how each partner feels about tithing and donating money, as well as what their opinions are on those topics.
Examples questions:
- What percent of your income would be comfortable for donating every year?
- Which charities do we like the best and why?
- What about giving to churches?
- Do you feel giving is a good way to honor God?
- How might it change our lives if we do not give or give less than what we are comfortable with giving now?
- Since tithing and giving charity can be seen as religious, how would each of us like for these donations and tithes to be handled?
- How might giving money to the church change our lives spiritually and financially for the better?
- What are your thoughts on giving a tenth of what you make in order to be considered tithing, or giving a set amount like $100 each month as charity donations.
50 Financial Questions You Should Discuss in Pre-Marital Counseling
- What will happen if one of us loses our job?”
- How are you feeling about the idea of having children and how will it affect our finances
- Who pays for what in our household (rent/mortgage, utilities, groceries)
- What are your thoughts on saving for a house a car?
- Do you feel like we should have pre-approved savings before getting married or do you prefer to save post marriage?
- How would it affect our finances if one of us wants to go back to school?”
- Is there anything I can budget or change in our budget so that we’ll have more money to save pre-marriage?
- What are your thoughts on the concept of saving for emergencies?
- Do you agree with having an emergency fund or not?”
- How much money should our emergency fund have pre-marriage?”
- Do you feel that it’s important to have an emergency fund pre-marriage?
- What are your thoughts on the concept of saving for retirement?
- Do you agree with pre-approved retirement saving or not pre-approving our savings before getting married?
- How much money should we save each month?”
- What is your comfort level with risk in investments (ex. stocks, bonds)?”
- Do you think we should combine our debt into one account or keep them separate?
- What are your thoughts on combining the budget and accounts in order to have a joint budget that’s easier for both of us to manage?
- Would you like to pre-approve a budget with pre-approved categories so that we can save automatically?”
- Would you prefer that we pre-approve a budget pre-marriage?”
- What are your thoughts on spending money for the sake of spending it (e.g., going out to dinner, buying new clothes)?
- How much debt do you have and what does that mean for our financial future together (e.g., student loans, credit card balances)?
- Do we want to buy a home or rent an apartment/house in the near future and if so how will this impact our budgeting habits (e.g., monthly mortgage payments versus paying rent every month)?
- What are your long-term financial goals
- What is your credit score and what steps can you take to improve it
- Would either of us like to stay home with children if we had them and how will that impact our finances
- If one person has more assets than the other, should they put those into a trust fund or split them 50/50 with their partner
- Who will be in charge of managing money after the wedding
- Have either of you ever filed bankruptcy before or had any other major financial issues in the past few years
- Is there anything that would cause either of you to spend excessively (e.g., gambling addiction)
- How do you plan on paying for a wedding?
- Have either of you inherited property from parents or grandparents that could affect your financial situation going forward?
- Do you have any debts that need to be paid off before the wedding starts, or do you plan on using debt financing for your wedding expenses
- Who will keep track of receipts and bill payments in order to avoid duplicate charges
- What happens if one partner wants to buy a new car but the other partner doesn’t want to spend that much money on a vehicle right now-will there need to be discussion about whether it’s worth delaying buying a car until they can afford it together or do they just go ahead with their plans separately?
- How would you handle a financial crisis if it were to happen in the next year?
- What kind of lifestyle will we have and how can we afford it?
- What is your spending style – should we have an allowance system in place where each person has a set amount they can spend each month without consulting the other person first ?
- Do you believe in living within our means or using credit cards as long as we pay them off every month?
- Have there been any times when money was tight and what did you do to get by until things got better financially?
- Is it my money your money or our money?
- What type of insurance do we need – auto, life, health, home/renters insurance)
- Do you feel comfortable talking about money with each other
- If we had kids, who would be the primary breadwinner of the family (if one person has a more lucrative career than the other) ?
- Can I see where you keep your money and how much you spend each month ?
- What are our spending habits like – are they healthy or not so good for the budget?
- Are there any large purchases coming up that we need to discuss together first?
- Do we have to discuss every purchase or how much can someone spend wihtout consulting?
- . What are your thoughts about the role of money in a marriage (e.g., how you prioritize spending, who manages finances)?
- How would you feel if your spouse made more or less than you do now, and what might that mean for the way you budgeted for living expenses after marriage?
- If one of us has children from a previous relationship, how will those children be handled financially by the two of us as parents going forward into this new family unit (e.g., will they live with us full-time or part-time)?
Understanding this question a couple must first understand their money personality.
Money Personality
In the money world, money personalities are a way to categorize money habits. There are quite a few of them out there from Spenders, Amasser, Avoiders, Hoarders, and Money Monks.
But which one do you fall into?
Understanding this money personality can help to identify money goals and tendencies.
Amasser
If you tend to be a money amasser, it can feel like your happiness is dependent on having large amounts of cash at your disposal. If you’re not spending or investing the funds in some way, then this lack of action may lead to feelings of emptiness and powerlessness.
You’ve tied your worth to money and you’re always looking for the next big payout.
Money amassers may also have a tendency to be cautious with money in order to feel like they are “safe.” The more money they save, the better their feeling of security becomes.
Hoarder
If you tend to be money hoarders, it may feel as if money is a scarce resource that must be protected and guarded. If you’re not spending or investing the funds in some way, then this lack of action may lead to feelings of fear about money running out.
This can lead money hoarders to become fearful of the future and they may have a tendency to bury their heads in money.
Hoarder’s often seen that money is power as it can provide for them during tough times.
Avoider
If you are an avoider you may be more focused on money as a tool for security than money being an end in and of itself. You may not care about money that much, but you know it’s important to have enough available funds to live comfortably now or in the future.
This money personality type may have a tendency to avoid money discussions and they’ll feel more comfortable not asking questions about money.
Money Monks
If you are a money monk, it’s likely that money is seen as an instrument for personal self-development and growth rather than something that can be used to control the world around them. They’re interested in figuring out how their beliefs affect their relationship with money.
You see value in saving but also spending on what feels good or makes sense at this time. You strive to live within your means now so there will always be sufficient funds available when emergencies arise or opportunities present themselves. And lastly…
Spenders
If money is seen as a resource to be spent and enjoyed, the spender may have an affinity for money. Spending money can bring great joy even if it leads to other consequences such as debt or lifestyle inflation.
Spenders are always looking for ways to enjoy their money in order to reach financial independence quicker than anticipated.
It’s important that couples know which of these five money personality types they are so they can use this knowledge when discussing finances with one another.”
Questions;
- What’s your Money Personality?
- How different are we and how does that impact us moving forward?
A premarital counseling session on finances is a critical one and couples cannot afford to skip as it can help them learn how to manage their money together.
Spenders: couples should figure out who is the spender in the relationship. If he or she has less spending power, it may be difficult for them to avoid feeling taken advantage of financially and they’ll come up with a plan that’s realistic for them.
Hoarder: couples need to establish what their financial goals are as well as a timeline so both parties know if there will ever be enough money available at any given time. Avoiders can get frustrated when hoarders don’t have an answer because this might mean one person isn’t being honest about how many resources they have access to on a regular basis.
Money Monks: couples should set achievable financial goals like saving more rather than focusing too heavily on investments which couples may not have a lot of control over. Money monks are content with saving and spending as much or little money as they want, but couples should discuss how this might affect their financial stability in the long run before making any decisions.
Avoider: couples can work on establishing what’s most important to them financially and then focus on that area which will help avoid feeling like one person is always giving more than the other.
Establishing these priorities together will create an agreement so couples know where everyone stands when it comes to finances going forward.”
Final Thoughts:
You’ve found your soulmate and are excited to spend the rest of your life with them.
But before you say “I do”, make sure that you’re ready for the financial realities of marriage, because it’s not just about love!
Whether or not pre-marital counseling is a requirement in your state.
Couples should take initiative and find a pre-marital counseling class they can join. There is a lot of benefit to doing this, and there are several reasons why you should attend the class.
If you’re unsure where to start, check out this premarital counseling workbook or marriage book that can help you start.
Let us know what you think.
check out the series here
