Ways to move on from an ex you still love. It is normal to still love your ex and to be honest it’s hard to let go. We invest so much of ourselves into our relationships, and when they come to an end it feels like a part of us is dying.
This is primarily because You shared a lot of memories, dreams, and plans with that person, and it is only natural to feel some sort of connection with them even after the breakup.
However, if you want to move on from your past relationship and find someone new, and offer yourself fully to that person then you will need to take action.
If you’re struggling to move on from an ex you still love, you’re not alone. This can be one of the most difficult things we ever have to do. But it is possible and today I want to share my story with you.
You have two options here: one is to get back together with your ex, or option two is to completely move on and give yourself a chance to fall in love again with another person.
In this blog post, we will outline a step-by-step strategy for moving on from an ex you still love. This is the same strategy that I used to get over a six years relationship.
Side Note: How to break up with a mama’s boy
Is it normal to still love your ex?
After breaking up with a girl I had been in love with for six years, I found myself struggling to move on. It wasn’t just the memories that kept me connected to her, but also the feelings and investment I had put into this relationship, as well as the thought that she still cared about me.
It was frustrating because I wanted to forget about her and start a new chapter, but it felt like my heart was still invested in our past relationship.
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This was a battle for many months until I realized that it was perfectly normal to still love someone after a break-up. This was because there were a lot of shared memories, and connections and the bond between us had grown stronger over the years, and breaking it would not be as simple as I thought.
All I needed was time to heal and move on because I still believe that I deserve love.
I desperately needed a solution. This began a journey of many weeks of research, reading books (Forgiving What You Can’t Forget), and consulting with people I trusted.
To cut a long story short, I have now been married for four years, and I feel nothing about my ex, am happy, and fully invested in my marriage.
My objective was to move on in a healthy way without baggage so that I could fully commit myself to my new relationship and enjoy life without the concerns, insecurities, or self-doubt.
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Here are some tips that helped me move on from an ex I still loved.
The process of how to get over your ex
Break up have different stages. See the 7 Stages here.
- At first, you are in denial and hope that the person will come back to you.
- Then, you go through anger and resentment because you think it was all their fault.
- After that, bargaining sets in as you try to figure out what went wrong and how you can fix it.
- Finally, there is acceptance.
The process is similar whether it is a mutual decision or if you are the one who was dumped. The key to moving on is accepting that the relationship is over and that you cannot change what has happened.
Once you have come to terms with the breakup, there are certain things you can do to make it easier to get over your ex.
Step One: Acknowledge that it’s normal to still love your ex.
The first step is to accept that it is perfectly normal to still love your ex. Again this is because of the share memories, dreams, plans, and connections you have with them.
You need to give yourself time to grieve the loss of the relationship. Acknowledging that you still love them makes it easier to think about the memories and even want to see or talk to them.
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Step Two: Give yourself time to mourn the loss of the relationship.
This is an important step in getting over your ex. You need to allow yourself to feel the pain and sadness that comes with a break-up. Don’t force it and don’t rush the process.
You need to give yourself permission to feel the pain, frustration, and sadness that comes with thinking about them, looking at their pictures, or even remembering the plans you had for the future.
Note: The first two stages are more about internal awareness, so you must begin by being conscious of what’s going on and the truth that you still love your ex but are in the process of grieving.
The next five phases will include some physical adjustments, emotional healing, and, to some extent, a spiritual plan.
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Step Three: Distance yourself
Create physical and emotional distance between you and your ex. If you live together, this may mean moving out or getting your own place.
You should also avoid any contact with them, whether it’s through social media, phone calls, or in person. This is important because it will allow you to begin the healing process without constant reminders of them.
Here are four steps to follow;
- Unfollow them on social media
- Delete their number and Block their Whatsapp status
- Avoid hanging out where they are.
- Avoid asking their friends about them.
Set boundaries. If you’re not able to distance yourself due to the fact that you work together or even school together, then it’s important to set clear boundaries.
- You need to be clear about what you are and are not comfortable with, such as talking about the relationship or spending time together.
- You should also avoid any situations that might be tempting, such as going to their house or being alone with them.
Step four: Create a new routine
Fill your time with new activities and interests. This will help take your mind off of your ex and the memories you shared together.
You can try new hobbies, join a club or sports team, or take classes.
Another option is to spend more time with friends and family. Doing things with other people will help you feel better and distract you from thinking about your ex.
Step Five: Identify your emotions and Deal with them
Remember the goal is not just to move on from your ex into another relationship but rather to move on in a healthy way without baggage.
Moving on without baggage will require you to deal with your emotional wounds. This is not an easy task, but it is a necessary one if you want to move forward in a healthy way.
There are a few things you can do to help deal with your emotions:
- Talk to a therapist or counselor (Online therapy might help)
- Write in a journal
- Talk to friends or family about what you’re going through
Step Six: Forgive Your Self and Your Ex
The goal of this step is to begin the process of healing by forgiving yourself and your ex. This is essential if you want to move on without any resentment or bitterness. Forgiveness is not about forgetting what happened or condoning the behavior.
It’s about letting go of the anger and hurt so you can move on with your life.
There are a few things you can do to help forgive your ex:
- Start a spiritual Bible study routine. Going to church, being in a small group, or even joining a Bible study.
- Talk to a therapist or counselor
- Start processing your emotions through journaling.
- Mediate. (Meditation is safe for Christians it’s not a sin)
You need to forgive yourself for any mistakes you made in the relationship and forgive your ex for anything they may have done that hurt you.
Step Seven: Rediscover yourself.
Find out who you are without your ex, understanding your true identity will help you move on. This is the final stage of moving on and it’s when you start to really figure out who you are without them.
It’s important to rediscover yourself because it will help you move forward in a healthy way, without relying on someone else to complete you.
To do this, you can try this;
- Avoid a rebound. Most people think that the fastest way to move on from an ex you love is to get into another relationship immediately (that’s what we call a rebound). This is a mistake because a new relationship gives you an illusion that you have dealt with the pain of your breakup when in reality, you haven’t.
- Find yourself in Good. True identity is found in Christ. When we live our life for Him and make Him the center, we will find true fulfillment. “For in him we live and move and have our being.” –Acts 17:28 This is the final stage of moving on from an ex you still love. It’s important to remember that moving on is a process
- Rediscovering yourself outside the relationship. Outside of the relationship, you may rediscover yourself. This will assist you in determining your true worth and rebuilding your Self-worth and self-esteem.
Bonus Step: Start rebuilding your love life.
One of the things that helped me move on and fall in love again was knowing I deserved better and realizing my value. And discovering that I was complete even without a relationship was a game-changer.
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Before I tell you how to move on you must first answer “(no)” to these three questions;
- Do you still feel angry and pain about your past relationship?
- Are you still emotionally connected with your ex?
- Do you still want to get back with your ex?
If the answer to the above questions is not then probably you are ready for a new relationship.
Here are three-step to help you move on.
- Be open to dating again
- Don’t compromise your value for a relationship.
- Meet new people
- Don’t profile people based on your ex
Conclusion: How to move on from an ex you still love
Moving on from an ex you are still in love with is not easy, some will even take 2 to 5 years to completely do so.
Just remember it will take time, so be patient with yourself and don’t try to force anything. And most importantly, don’t settle for anything less than you deserve.
I hope this was helpful! If you have any questions or need further clarification, please feel free to reach out to me!
Good luck and God bless you in your love journey. Over to you!