Being in Christian relationships has a lot to think about, from boundaries, red flags, but first, let’s talk about the foundation. Being born again and dating can be really daunting. If you are like me, growing up in a Christian household and with African parents, boys were made to look like the devil himself. There were always warnings to stay away from boys, not to do this with boys, or that. It was just a bunch of rules when it came to interacting with the opposite sex. Then the church.
This is another place where if we are being honest, there are so many rules and mostly “DON’Ts” when it comes to dating and courtship. We have been raised around so many rules, that we fear not living by the ‘rule book’ and this limits us from simply being ourselves. From all this, there is a certain way that Christian relationships are perceived or defined by society which is labeled as boring.
Because of this, a lot of women are moving away from dating Christian men. There is already a stereotype that people have of Christian relationships and born again men at that. So let us begin by answering the question, are Christian relationships really boring?
It all depends on what we are comparing to.
If we measure fun with what the world considers as fun, we might be missing out on the point because we are different. We have a standard that we have to live against (Romans 12:2). This does not mean that our life and our relationships have to be boring; it simply means that we do not compare with what the world considers as fun. We set our own standards and let the world want to copy that.
2 And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God. Romans 12:2 (KJV)
It is also dependent on your definition of fun or enjoyable.
We all judge things based on what we have been exposed to and on the knowledge that we have. What one person considers as boring may be crazy fun for another person. There are some ladies who will believe what is being said out there about Christian relationships being boring yet they have not been in one to truly experience it for themselves. We have different expectations when we talk about fun and it is our responsibility to communicate this to whoever we are with and this helps to also know if you are compatible with each other.
Having clarified the above, there still must be something that Christian men are getting wrong because we hear a lot of women nowadays say how they cannot date or even marry born again men. That means that there is something that these ladies might have picked that makes them have such negativity against Christian men. Some of the reasons that this happens maybe:
- A lot of attention is given to the negative more than the positive. There are so many good, fun and working Christian relationships but more attention is given to what is not working and so it ends up seeming as though Christian relationships are not working and are boring. Focus on the positives and you will attract exactly that.
- There are some men out there just using the title Christian men because they go to church on Sundays but they are not really born again men. One may for instance meet a man in church and once they begin getting to know each other, the lady picks some traits in the man that make her wonder if the guy is really born again. These men may be few but they spoil for the other genuine Christian men. Ladies will in turn use such a narrative to say that they would rather be with someone who they know is not born again than be with someone who claims to be born again and is not.
- There are men who are simply lazy and will not make an effort to find fun activities to do while on a date. There is an endless list of interesting things to do while dating;
- Going out on dinner dates to different restaurants. They do not have to be expensive.
- Taking classes together. E.g. dance classes or cooking classes
- Going out for movies
- Going for hikes and treks on nature trails together
- Having fun outdoor activities with other couples.
- Working on fun projects.
The list is endless as said and it all depends on you as a couple and what you find interesting. Christian men need to step up their game when it comes to such things.
- There should also be a genuine interest in men to develop a friendship. Some of the best relationships stem from a really good friendship. When there is friendship, the relationship cannot be boring because the two people are friends and hence have joint interests. It is also easier to communicate to your friend what you really want.
Having said the above, a relationship is what you make it. You cannot judge all the relationships and all people based on what you have heard of from someone else’s experience. My top tips before getting into any relationship would be;
Pray about it.
Talk to Jesus about that guy, whether he is born again or not. Tell Him how you really feel and get to know if that is His will for you.
Develop a friendship.
Everything becomes easier when two people are genuine friends. When a relationship grows from friendship, communication for example becomes very easy because you are talking to your friend and not just a significant other.
Give it a shot.
If in your heart you feel completely at ease, you have prayed about it and there is peace within you, then give it a shot. Sometimes fear will hold us back from experiencing genuine love because of things we have heard from other people. A lady may have gotten to know an amazing kind-hearted Christian man but because of the stereotype surrounding Christian men, she may be hesitant to give it a shot. Sometimes we’ve got to just try and see what that relationship holds.
We have to be willing to communicate our desires to the other person to actually know if it will work. Let the other person know what you expect to get into the relationship. When expectations are communicated, it saves a lot of frustration and ill feelings.
Let us not judge without experiencing it. A relationship is what you make it and it also reflects the personality of the two people in it. We also need to change the narrative out there about Christian relationships. Relationships can also be used to evangelize. Let people see the positives in Christian relationships. Showing the interesting side can change the narrative.
Final thoughts: Are Christian relationships boring?
Are Christian relationships boring? Christian relationship is not boring, they can actually be considered as the best relationship out there because it’s not just about loving each other but serving one another.
Written By Ida Nyawira