turn offs for relationship

Both men and women have serious “turn-offs”. These are things that contribute to them losing s6xual desire or interest. Some of these turn-offs are obvious while others are not.

Men generally are sensitive to their egos while women are more sensitive to things affecting their feelings and most turn-offs are connected to this.


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In this post, you will learn the biggest turn-offs for women and men in a relationship. The benefits of knowing this turn-off are that you will be able to attract any person and keep them for good. This will give you a better chance to grow your relationship deeper and stronger.

Taking note of the advice given in this post will help you navigate these turn-offs very easily in your relationship. If you wish to know how to attract men check out, our 15 proven strategies to attract any man.

Okay, Let’s dive in.

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What does turn offs mean in a relationship?

This is the meaning of turn off in a relationship; A turn off is something that is unappealing that your partner does, something that causes you to lose interest or desire in the person or an activity. A turn-off might be caused by your partner’s behavior, words, or even action that makes you feel insecure, embarrassed, or generally makes you shut down.

switch off

To be honest, Dating is all about being sensitive and caring, it involves cultivating your partner’s interest and s3xual desire. To have a successful relationship you must be able to identify turn-offs and work towards avoiding them. Some of these turn-offs are silent red flags that might be a potential threat to your relationship.

The same way men and women have things that trigger their desire and s3xual arousal, they also have things that turn their feelings off.

Related Post: 8 Stages Of Dating ( The normal progression)

As we dive deeper into the biggest inhibitors of feelings and emotion, I want you to know that people are different and these turn-offs will vary depending on the person you’re connected to.

Biggest Turn Offs For Women

75% of Men have no idea what turns women off, which is so sad. Research [pdf] conducted by Cynthia A. Graham, Ph.D., on women aged 18-84, concludes that there are many factors that enhance or inhibit women’s s3xual desires.

This is the list of the biggest turn-offs for women that men should be aware of if they desire a long-lasting happy relationship. These things are taken from study and online research.

1. Fears about unwanted pregnancy

This sounds weird but it’s a huge thing for women. The fear of unwanted pregnancy will inhibit arousal in women. When a woman feels insecure and not sure if a guy would protect them they tend to turn off to prevent themselves from losing control over their emotions.

2. Using Your Phone While On A Date

Women love attention. Averagely 8 out of 10 among women say that their love language is quality time. If you’re on a date with them put your phone away. Being on your phone while on a date communicates a lack of interest which is a big turn-off for most women.

The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts

Women hate to compete with gadgets for your attention. 

According to research a lot of relationships both dating and married grow cold due to the usage of gadgets during serious conversation. 

Advice to men, keep your phone away and give the girl your attention and quality time. 

3. Absent Minded

Women love a guy who is present not just physically but also emotionally. Being absent-minded while talking to your girlfriend or wife is a huge turn-off for women.

This is tied to the fact that women love quality time, not just quantity but quality. Quality comes with you being present in the moment. 

Video on Turn offs for women than men need to know about by Trip Advice

4. Talking About Your Ex In Every Single Date

Most women don’t mind knowing your past story, actually, they share that it is healthy when you tell them about your ex. However, it becomes a silent red flag when that is the only story you talk about. 

Talking about your ex on every single date is a turn-off for women. Especially if you talk about them in comparison to them. 

A woman can sense if you have moved on from your ex based on how you talk about them. To be safe just stay away from talking about your ex unless you want them back.

5. Self-Centeredness

A girl will immediately be turned off if a guy thinks the world revolves around them. Self-centered man doesn’t know what their women want because they are always focusing on themselves.

what turn off women

This might be displayed in your tone, conversation, or even the way you think about yourself. Self-centeredness equals selfishness according to this study.

Advice for men, give her a chance to talk, actually make her feel special. You can do this by showing her that she’s the most important person. 

If you do this, instead of her being turned off you will see her light up which is a plus for you.

6. A Selfish Man is a huge turn off for most women

Turnoffs for women are mainly things that trigger their emotions. Anything that triggers a girl’s insecurity is on the top of the list of turn-offs for them.

Selfishness as they say is the enemy of intimacy. 

7. Excessive Jealous

As a guy, it’s okay to be jealous it’s normal. Even though jealousy is normal for guys it can be a huge turn-off for women if it is in excess. Women translate excess jealousy as a lack of trust.

When you want to know all her moves, where she is all time might be a huge problem. There is a difference between care and jealousy. We hope to write about this soon. 

8. A control Freak

Like jealousy, anything in excess is toxic. Men who tend to be over-controlling end up causing more harm than good. A girl will shut down or be turned off when they feel like their man is controlling their every move.

Trust built intimacy, cultivate it. 

9. Fear

It sounds obvious but it’s not. Trying to dominate your woman will cause feelings of fear and anxiety. A woman who is afraid will not be aroused or turned on no matter what you try.

10. Indecisive

This goes without saying women want a man who is sober and decisive. An indecisive guy is a turn-off for most women. A man should be able to lead and make the right decision or at least try.

11. Not sensitive to her feelings

As I mentioned at the beginning of this post, women are emotional beings, and anything that threatens the security of their emotions automatically becomes a turn-off to them. Turnoffs in a relationship, are not just things you say it is also things you do or not do. A woman will expect you to read her emotional gauge and respond accordingly.

For example, when she’s feeling cold, she expects you to figure it out, either go indoors or give her your coat if you have one. Be present at the moment and observe what’s happening around you.

12. Timing & Emotional Intelligence

Doing something too fast might be a game-changer in one situation while in another it might be a huge turn-off to her.

Doing the right thing at the right time might be the difference between a second date or the end of that relationship. Due to the nature of how women are created, you as a guy need to read the sign and clues she’s giving you.

13. Lateness

I want you to remember that turn-offs are different because women are different. Some women have no problem at all if you show up late on a date, while for others this is a big thing them. So don’t just copy and paste everything your see here, try and observe and understand your woman.

14. Lack of Confidence

The way you carry yourself as a guy will determine the respect you get from your woman. Most women are turned on by men who know what they are doing, what they want, and who are confident about who they want.

Note that there is a difference between confidence and arrogance, arrogance turn women off while confidence turns them on.

15. A lie a Cheat and a hypocrite

There is nothing that will turn off a woman so fast as a man whose story doesn’t add up. Women are special, their sixth sense has a way of sensing when a story doesn’t make sense. Immediately a woman suspects your story is fishy she tends to turn off and become cold.

16. Bad breath

Remember I mentioned that turn-offs are not just things we do, a bad breath is a serious turn-off as the rest of the things on the list.

17. A man who disrespects people

This is true for me, a person who doesn’t respect people especially those doing humble jobs that’s a huge turn-off.

18. Lack Of Boundaries

Lack of boundaries is a sign of lack of maturity. A man who doesn’t have boundaries is dangerous. This might not be a turn-off for all women but it sure is for those intentional women. Having boundaries and communicating them shows you in control and this is a huge turn-on for most women.

19. Lack of Faith

A man without faith is a complaining man. Most women hate men who keep complaining. If you’re in a relationship with a woman stop complaining, have some faith because the lack of it might be a turn off.

20. Head Push

Going too fast into something, especially in an intimate situation might turn your partner off. This is different from timing, it involves taking things slow, especially in the matter of s3x and s3xual activities. Asking for s3x on your first date is a big turn-off for most respected women.

Most women will feel used and violated if you think of them as s3x objects. take things slow and let the relationship builds up naturally.

For you to avoid turn-offs with women you must be careful and sensitive to their needs. Make them a priority and see how you will easily navigate those turn-offs.

But what are some of the biggest turn-offs for guys? The next section is dedicated to women, it will help you identify and navigate things that inhibit intimacy with a man.

Biggest Turn Offs For Guys

There are a lot of things that women do that are a turn-off for men. In this list, I will share 15 of the biggest turn-offs for guys.

1. A Dominant Woman

According to Lady Green in his book The S3xually Dominant Woman some women tend to enjoy erotic power play. This is however a big turn-off for most men because men enjoy a submissive partner.

2. Comparison

Men hate to be compared with other men or any other person for that matter. If you want to turn your man off try comparing him with another man. Because of my nature, men want to feel in control, powerful and respected. This is how they define and translate love.

3. Talking too much

According to men, women who talk a lot are annoying and attractive.

4. Bad breath

This seems like a simple thing but it’s not, most men are turned off by bad breath. Some men say that bad breath is a sign of poor grooming.

5. Dishonesty

Women who are not honest turn to be very attractive to men, men say that dishonesty is on the top of men’s turn-offs.

6. Lack Of Support

Men prefer a girl who supports them, any time a man senses the girl is not supporting them, this is a big turn off.

7. Lack of Initiative

For those who are married you understand this. Most men want a woman who can initiate especially during s3x. Men feel disinterested if a girl never shows initiative in this area.

8. Talking About the Future on your first date

On your first date with a guy, don’t talk about your future together, most men freak out in such a situation. This is not to say that men hate commitment, it is just that they don’t want you to assume things on the first date.

9. Comparison

I hate being compared to someone else, for most guys this is one of the biggest turn-offs. Never compare a guy with any other guy, no matter how innocent the situation might be.

Comparison is an intimacy killer don’t do it.

10. Condoms (for those who are married)

According to a study conducted on men and women, the majority of men said that condoms are a huge turn-off for them. This is mostly for those who are married. Discuss with your partner way in advance if you want to use condoms as a married couple.

11. Questioning them

Men hate to be questioned, 70% of men feel disrespected and turned off once you start questioning them.

12. Disrespect

Any time a man feels disrespected tends to shut down, most turn-offs for guys are connected to them feeling like they are not in control. A lot of turn-offs can be avoided if a man feels respected and in control.

13. Poor Hygiene

Hygiene is a big turn-off for both men and women. Most men love a clean woman, not a clean freak but someone clean.

This is because men are visual beings, they fall in love with what they see before they can even hear one word from you. 

14. A women without self-respect is a very big turn off for most men. 

As a woman, you need to be able to respect yourself if you want to attract a man. Carrying yourself with no self-respect will affect the way your man sees you which is not a good feeling. 

15. Manipulation 

In my line of work, I have met so many men who are disinterested in their wives because of their manipulative behavior. 

A man will immediately be turned off by a woman who tries to do things to manipulate them to respond or do something. 

Once in a while, the trick can work but eventually your man with know what you doing and that will be the end of your romantic story. They will be turned off or become completely disinterested. 

16. Never shout at a man it’s a big turn off

Men hate to be shouted at, it makes them feel disrespected. Never shout on a guy.

17. A woman who doesn’t know how to dress

This is advice to women, learn to dress s3xy especially in the house. If a man gets to your house and your dressing on promotion t-shirts, it’s a huge turn-off.

18. Cats

Some men shared that cats are a big turn-off for them. Unlike me who love dogs especially the retriever breed, most men hate cats.

Conclusion: Turn-offs for women and men in a relationship

As we conclude this conversation, I want to say that most turn-offs can be avoided if you are intentional about learning from each other. A relationship is about growing deeper in knowledge and in love which each other.

If you’re ready to take your relationship to the next level join the premarital counseling program. Otherwise hope you enjoyed this list of turn-offs.

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By Honey Let's Talk

I'm a certified relationship expert, professional counselor, and pastor. I've been helping people with their relationships for over 6 years. I'm passionate about helping people find and maintain healthy relationships.