You are currently viewing Can Avoidants Have Long Term Relationships?

Can Avoidants Have Long Term Relationships?

As a relationship coach with several years of experience helping couples build secure attachments, one of the questions I’m asked often is: Can avoidants have long-term relationships?

It’s a common concern especially if you’re in a romantic relationship with a partner who exhibits avoidant attachment behaviors.

Key Takeaways: Can Avoidant Personalities Do Long-Term?

  • With conscious effort, yes – but avoidants may always struggle with intimacy to degrees. The work doesn’t end.
  • Success requires self-improvement motivation from both partners.
  • Mastering healthy interdependence without losing independence is key for avoidants in long-term relationships.

Below are helpful statistics outlining attachment style distribution and divorce likelihood. This offers perspective on both prevalence and risk factors.

Attachment Style Population Breakdown

Attachment Style% of Population
Table 1

Avoidance affects 1 in 4 people

Likelihood of Divorce by Style

Attachment StyleDivorce Likelihood
Table 2

Avoidants have 1.5x the average divorce rates

But statistics don’t equal destiny. Through education, empathy, and removing attachment triggers in relationships, avoidants can absolutely nurture lifelong partnership success and satisfaction.

You May Also Like

Understanding Avoidant Attachment Style

Avoidant attachment style develops in childhood when a child’s emotional needs are unmet by caretakers.

Understanding Avoidant Attachment Style

As adults, avoidants instinctively protect themselves from hurt by distancing from too much closeness and minimizing reliance on partners.

This self-sufficiency defense makes intimacy challenging.

Common Avoidant Attachment Behaviors

  • Difficulty opening up emotionally
  • Suppressing own feelings/needs
  • Pulling away when relationships progress
  • Highly valuing independence and control

Do Avoidants Do Long Term Relationships?

It depends. While avoidants certainly face more challenges in sustaining intimate bonds long-term, it is possible.

With understanding and targeted effort, people with avoidant attachment can overcome barriers to commitment, vulnerability, and dependence to maintain fulfilling life partnerships.

I’ve worked with many avoidant clients who, with time and intention, greatly improved their attachments and capacity for healthy, lasting love by:

Do Avoidants Do Long Term Relationships
  • Seeking individual therapy
  • Practicing vulnerability and intimacy skills with partners
  • Building self-awareness around their avoidant triggers
  • Facing fears around enmeshment by setting boundaries

Why Avoidants Struggle with Long-Term Partnerships

  • Fear of engulfment and losing autonomy
  • Discomfort becoming dependent/attached
  • Pain-triggering distancing as self-protection

When both partners actively work to understand avoidant attachment and make each other feel safe, validating needs for closeness and autonomy, beautiful long-term unions become possible.

Strategies Allowing Avoidants to Sustain Lasting Love

Useful techniques include:

  • Seeking Individual or Couples Counseling
  • Communicating Feelings/Needs Proactively
  • Showing Small, Daily Gestures of Connection/Care
  • Giving Each Other Space to Follow Separate Interests

Creating Security for the Partners of Avoidants

Creating Security for the Partners of Avoidants

Always communicate gently, respecting avoidant triggers. Provide reassurance around attachments while upholding personal boundaries.

This builds the trust and interdependence required for lifelong collaboration.

Exploring Attachment Theory: The Basics

Let’s Dive In Attachment theory is fascinating! It’s all about understanding why we behave the way we do in relationships.

This theory suggests that from a young age, we develop certain patterns in how we connect with others, especially when we’re feeling stressed or scared.

These patterns are shaped by our early experiences with caregivers and play a big role in our adult relationships.

Basic Principles of Attachment Theory

Attachment SystemOur built-in drive to seek support from others, especially in tough times.
Evolutionary FunctionThis system kept us safe and ensured we grew up to pass on our genes.
Activation and TerminationIt kicks in when we’re anxious and calms down when we feel secure.
Working ModelsThese are like mental notes on how well our needs were met in the past, guiding our future relationship expectations.
Table 3

Understanding Adult Attachment Styles

The Heart of the Matter: Adult attachment styles can tell us a lot about how we act in our relationships.

Some of us might find it hard to get close to others, while some might worry a lot about being left behind.

Then, there are those who are just right – comfortable both with getting close and having their own space.

Adult Attachment Orientations

OrientationTraitsHow It Plays Out in Relationships
AvoidancePrefers distance and independence.Might struggle with opening up and depending on others.
AnxietyWorries about being abandoned.Often seeks lots of reassurance and closeness.
SecurityBalanced and comfortable with intimacy.Tends to have healthier and more stable relationships.
Table 4

How Stress Affects Us Based on Our Attachment Style

A Closer Look: It’s interesting how our attachment style influences our stress reaction.

Stress Affects Us Based on Our Attachment Style

If you’re more on the avoidant side, you might pull back when things get tough. But if you’re anxious, stress could make you cling tighter to your partner.

These reactions are key to understanding the dynamics of a relationship.

The Attachment Diathesis-Stress Process Model

Type of StressAvoidant ResponseAnxious Response
External StressLess likely to seek support.More sensitive to relationship threats.
Internal StressTends to withdraw or shut down.Might see the relationship more negatively.
Chronic StressStruggles with issues of autonomy.Fears being left and might feel less satisfied.
Table 5

Coping Strategies for Different Attachment Styles

Getting to Solutions: Our attachment style not only affects how we act in relationships but also how we handle challenges.

Avoidants might try to deal with things on their own, while anxious folks might focus more on the emotional side.

Those with a secure style, however, often find a good balance, tackling problems constructively.

Coping Strategies and Relationship Outcomes

StyleCoping MechanismImpact on Relationships
AvoidantKeeps emotions under wraps to stay independent.Might miss out on deeper emotional connections.
AnxiousFocuses intensely on emotions and worries.Can lead to more conflicts and dissatisfaction.
SecureAddresses problems head-on, often with partner’s help.Usually leads to happier and more stable relationships.
Table 6

These insights can be incredibly helpful in understanding our own relationship patterns and working towards healthier, more fulfilling connections.

Success Rate of relationships with avoidants

The success rate of relationships involving an avoidant partner can vary widely and is difficult to quantify with a specific percentage. This is because the success of a relationship depends on numerous factors, including the willingness of both partners to communicate and work through issues, the severity of the avoidant behavior, and the dynamics between the partners.

Success Rate of relationships with avoidants

In general, relationships where one or both partners exhibit avoidant attachment styles can face challenges. Avoidant individuals often struggle with intimacy and might withdraw from closeness or emotional connection.

However, with awareness and effort, including therapy and communication, it’s possible for people with avoidant attachment styles to develop healthier relationships.

It’s important to remember that every relationship is unique, and success isn’t solely determined by attachment styles. Factors like;

  • Mutual respect
  • Communication, and
  • Shared values play significant roles.


In summary, with consciousness and support, those exhibiting avoidant attachment can unlearn ingrained defensive posturing, better tolerate vulnerability and dependence to nurture incredibly meaningful decades-long relationships.

But since childhood emotional imprints motivate these patterns, patience and compassion from both partners remains essential at all times.