Dating can be a tricky situation for Christians. There are a lot of guidelines and advice, but it’s difficult to know what is worth following and what isn’t. Most Christian dating advice is either too religious or not religious enough.
So we asked a bunch of Christians in our community what are the best advice for dating as a Christian?
Then, we put it all together in this list of 20 valuable pieces of advice that have been proven to work for most couples. Whether you’re just starting out or you’re looking to find your soulmate, these dating tips will help guide you through the process! We have included some bible verse to inspire and guide you.
Why men leave “perfect” women: what EVERY woman needs to know. His Secret Obsession.
If you’re pressed for time, go to the bottom of this page to read a prayer I’ve written just for you.
Related Post: 8 Stages of Dating ( Normal progression of dating)
Pursue wholeness Before Pursuing a relationship.
It’s not easy being single, and when loneliness strikes, it might cause you to jump into a relationship before thinking about how your heart feels. I’ve seen this happen a lot; people fall in love before they figure out who they are as individuals.
It’s not that falling in love is bad; instead, getting into a relationship before you’re whole will put a tremendous amount of pressure on your partner to keep you happy and content. Which is not sustainable in the long run.
That is the reason why we advise Christian couples to first pursue wholeness before pursuing a relationship.
We encourage Christians not to date until they have established their own relationship with Jesus Christ and can offer a deeper sense of love and commitment that is rooted in Christ.
Proverbs 4:23 (AMP) Watch over your heart with all diligence, For from it flow the springs of life.
Are You In A hurry, Check out these recommended books!
- Dating and the Single Parent
- Outdated: Find Love That Lasts When Dating Has Changed
- Single Girl’s Guide to Marrying a Man, His Kids, and His Ex-Wife
What does Wholeness mean?
Wholeness means finding satisfaction in God and His character, not in another person. You should be focused on developing a sound relationship with God before you are ready to have relationships with others.
God has the best plan for your life, so don’t rush into anything.
As I said in the first piece of advice, loneliness can be a challenge, especially if you don’t know how to manage it. Social media doesn’t even help, it seems like everyone is dating but you, don’t be fooled by this. This pressure can cause you to rush into a relationship that is not Godly which might be a huge mistake.
Our advice to you is: Take your time getting to know people before committing yourself emotionally and physically! Dating should always lead toward a greater commitment, not away from it. By taking things slowly, it helps keep emotions in check.
You are ready for relationships when you have learned how to be content with who God has made you, not based on the attention of others or self-centered desires.
You should realize that God has a plan for you that is much better than anything else in this world if only you can wait patiently.
If you are feeling tired while waiting, consider this bible verse, may it give you comfort and encouragement?
Ecclesiastes 3:11(NIV) 11 He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the human heart; yet[a] no one can fathom what God has done from beginning to end.
Isaiah 40:31 (AMP) But those who wait for the Lord [who expect, look for, and hope in Him] Will gain new strength and renew their power; They will lift up their wings [and rise up close to God] like eagles [rising toward the sun]; They will run and not become weary, They will walk and not grow tired.
Be yourself.
It may seem obvious, but not everyone is who they appear to be. There are many individuals on the planet who claim to be someone else in order to gain attention and affection.
- This is not a long-term solution because if someone falls in love with your fake version, you will have to act that way for the rest of your life. This isn’t sustainable at all. Eventually, you’ll grow up and be yourself, at which point the relationship will come to an end, especially if someone was infatuated with your fake version.
- Being yourself indicates that you know who you are and your sense of self-worth is derived from Christ rather than the outside world.
Christians are encouraged to be themselves. There are plenty of people out there that will like the real you more than an act. It’s important not to pretend or play games with people. If you want a relationship that is real, it starts by being yourself.
Be careful about how much time you spend worrying about your appearance before going on dates because this can lead to an unhealthy lifestyle of vanity and self-absorption.
Psalm 139:14 (AMP) I will give thanks and praise to You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Wonderful are Your works, And my soul knows it very well.
Tip. Focus on developing yourself spiritually, emotionally, and physically. When you are comfortable with who you are as a person, many doors will open for the right relationship to come along!
Don’t date someone who isn’t a Christian
You’ve probably heard this advice before, Don’t go out with someone who isn’t a believer, right? Many Christians put it this way: don’t be unequally yoked?
2 Corinthians 6:14 (NKJV) 14 Do not be unequally yoked together with unbelievers. For what fellowship has righteousness with lawlessness? And what communion has light with darkness?
It sounds very typical and simple, but wait until you find yourself having trouble persuading someone to date you or being approached by unbelievers who are really pushing it.
It is good that you understand why people say “Don’t be unequally yoked with non-believers.” It’s not just the moral aspect of it, but there is a spiritual connection that you would be missing out on if your partner doesn’t believe in the same things as you.
I wrote a whole list of reasons why dating a non-believer is a bad idea, read it here.
However, this is our recommendation regarding the matter.
Find someone who shares your values and beliefs, not just hobbies or interests. Having common ground is important if you want to have long-lasting Godly relationships.
When you are spiritually connected, it makes the physical relationship so much better! Knowing that you are both serving the same God will help you to be connected on another level than just physical.
Wait Until Marriage to Kiss or have Sex.
When it comes to sex, wait until marriage – there is no shame in waiting for something that is so special.
Waiting until marriage is not only beneficial for the couple but also for their future children. When you abstain from sex before marriage, it shows that both of you care about each other enough to wait and have something special later on in life!
Why Wait Until Marriage to Kiss or have Sex
(a) Purity Paves way for true intimacy
If you wish to experience true intimacy in marriage then the foundation of it is purity both of mind and body.
(b) Purity Protects you from sexual diseases and pregnancies.
Waiting until marriage to kiss or have sex protects you both from sexually transmitted infections, STIs, as well as unwanted pregnancies – which are huge risks if you don’t wait till marriage!
(c) Purity honors God and in turn, God will bless your relationship and future marriage
Being pure should have the highest importance for us: honoring God is our number one objective.
(d) Purity creates anticipation and builds chemistry with your partner. The fact of the matter is, waiting until marriage will build up so much sexual tension between you and your partner! It’ll make those honeymoon moments more intense and passionate.
So wait until marriage, it’s worth it.
1 Thessalonians 4:3-5 (NLT) 3 God’s will is for you to be holy, so stay away from all sexual sin. 4 Then each of you will control his own body and live in holiness and honor— 5 not in lustful passion like the pagans who do not know God and his ways.
Advice: If they don’t like what God says about sex, it’s probably not worth it for both of you.
Related Post: When Should You Break Up
Don’t date in isolation.
Isolation is the devil’s strategy where he isolates and then distracts you from your commitment to Christ. Many couples who have fallen into sin or have been engaged in abusive relationships are because of doing things in secrecy and lack accountability.
When dating in isolation you’re exposing the relationship to unnecessary risks. How is that?
When you’re away from your support system, it can get difficult when problems arise because there’s no help or advice. You’ll find that you’re less likely to be tempted or abused when you date in openness, because not only do you have access to wise counsel but you also have accountability – which keeps things in check!
Ecclesiastes 4:12 (NLT) 12 A person standing alone can be attacked and defeated, but two can stand back-to-back and conquer. Three are even better, for a triple-braided cord is not easily broken.
Date with Clear intention.
Being intentional about dating can help you make better decisions and create a healthy relationship. If something doesn’t feel right, trust that feeling – don’t let yourself get pressured into something you aren’t comfortable with or it will end up hurting both of you later on.
What I’m referring to is that you must first figure out what you want and why you’re in this relationship in the first place. Knowing it and communicating it clearly with your partner will go a long way toward ensuring you’re on the same page and won’t be at odds when it comes to making important decisions.
Tip: When you’re ready for a relationship, be intentional about it, and don’t let yourself get pressured into something that doesn’t feel right.
Practically, this entails defining limits and expressing them, developing a relationship vision, etc.
Related Post:
>>How to Create and Communicate boundaries
>>How to craft a relationship vision
Keep God in the center of your relationship.
When Christians have a strong belief in something greater than themselves, it creates an environment where two people can grow together spiritually and emotionally.
Tip. God should always be the center of your relationship and everything else will fall into place!
When you put God first, you are prioritizing your relationship with Him. By keeping God in the center of your lives, you are showing each other how much you care about something greater than yourselves!
When you seek God individually and together, you begin to feel a greater bond between the two of you.
Matthew 6:33 (NIV) 33 But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.
Deal with your past and past baggage before committing to a new relationship.
You’re about to get into a new relationship. We advise you to deal with any emotional baggage or unresolved issues before getting into anything, whether it’s casual dating, courting, or engagement.
It’s important to know yourself, and figure out what areas you’re hurting that need fixing before getting into a relationship. Emotional or spiritual baggage is like a weight that drags you down, and it’s important to work on yourself before committing – otherwise it will drag the whole relationship down.
How to identify emotional baggage?
There are many ways to identify emotional baggage. For example, you might feel negative about yourself or others around you. You could be depressed without knowing why – this is a sign that something needs to change in your life.
Or if you keep on wanting your ex back, it’s a good idea to get rid of the thoughts and feelings you have for them. You will continue hurting yourself if you don’t let go of your ex or fix these negative feelings.
If you’re feeling lustful and don’t know how to control it, then probably you need to take a pause on getting into a relationship. It’s a sign that something needs to be fixed first.
John 14:26 (NIV) 26 But the Advocate, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in my name, will teach you all things and will remind you of everything I have said to you.
Pray that God will help you through the Holy Spirit to overcome and deal with past baggage before committing yourself to a relationship.
Don’t base your happiness and self worth on your relationship status.
One of the most important things you should learn is to find happiness within yourself. Allowing God to be the object of your happiness and not your relationship status.
You do this by not relying too much on others for happiness and don’t use them as a crutch if you’re feeling down.
Make sure that you are happy with yourself before getting into any serious commitment. This is what we call inner peace. Having inner peace allows you to be a better partner for whoever it might be.
Your commitment level should never depend on your partner’s actions.
It’s very easy not to commit to a relationship, especially if your partner treats you poorly. But it’s important to remember that your relationship should always be strong no matter what happens in the other person’s life.
If you feel like you’re being forced into a commitment, then chances are this isn’t going to work out for either of you.
My advice for you is to give the relationship a chance by committing fully, regardless of what your partner is doing. You’ll be glad you did!
Of course, if your partner is abusive we advise you find help from a professional counselor by going through therapy.
Related Post: 10 Reasons Why Commitment is Important in relationship
Express your expectation.
Most relationships die because there were (unspoken) expectations.
We advice couples to never assume things. Express yourself to avoid misunderstandings or disappointments later on. Communicate expectations upfront so there are no assumptions or disappointments later on in the relationship!
Don’t be too quick to judge. This is the most common mistake Christian singles make when it comes to dating someone new, especially if they’re not well-acquainted.
If there is a way you want to be treated or not treated, communicate it as soon as possible. Never assume that someone knows what you want or don’t want, make it clear.
Never be afraid to express yourself or your feelings. It may seem scary, but it’s a lot better than having regrets later on! Expressing who you are and what you want is the best way to ensure happiness in a relationship.
Think With Both Your Heart And your Head
Don’t let your heart alone lead, but guide it with wisdom instead. Your feelings can easily deceive you when falling in love for the first time so be careful not to follow every single one of that feeling or else we can guarantee you will have a disaster of a relationship.
Also, don’t let your head lead the way either because this can result in never finding love at all! Don’t be afraid to put yourself out there and take chances while trying to find the one God has picked for you. Dating is not easy but it’s worth sticking with if you know it’s what God wants you to do.
Proverbs 19:21 (NIV) Many are the plans in a person’s heart, but it is the Lord’s purpose that prevails.
Keep healthy boundaries because no one should be able to make decisions for you.
For many years now, we have been advising Christian couples on how to craft and communicate boundaries. I personaly believe that is the most important part of a relationship and we can’t emphasize it enough.
A healthy boundary provides protection for yourself, your partner and all relationships in your life. It ensures that you won’t be taken advantage of or mistreated by others because they know that certain lines will not be crossed with you.
When you’re setting boundaries in your relationship, there are five types of bounadries to consider.
Related Post: How To Communicate Boundaries
Sexual Boundaries
Sexual boundaries define your limits in a sexual relationship. They establish the difference between what is okay and not okay for both partners, whether that means kissing or going all the way.
Time boundaries.
This has to do with how much time you’re willing to spend together. There is a difference between being alone and spending personal time with someone else, so it’s important that the two of you set your boundaries before moving out in this direction.
Emotional Boundaries
With emotional boundaries, one person makes sure they are not relying too much on the other. They allow both people to keep their own emotions and feelings intact, so that neither person gets swallowed up in the relationship.
Financial boundaries.
This has to do with how you’re spending money together or giving each other financial gifts or paying bills during dates. It’s important that your partner knows not to use this as a strategy to pressure you into doing certain things.
Information boundaries.
This has to do with what information is shared and how often it is shared when talking about other partners, past relationships or personal life in general.This might include who we share our relationship with, our struggles or things we plan to do together. Some people are uncomfortable when you share your struggles with family members, etc.
This are five boundaries we suggest you consider having in your relationship.
Related Post: 5 Healthy Boundaries in Relationship
Make sure you are both on the same page about what marriage means to each of you.
We believe as Christians that the intention for dating is marriage, however there are many couples who never discuss what marriage is before getting engaged which is dangerous.
We advise couples to know what marriage means to them both, and understand what God expects of them once they get married.
A wrong view about marriage can cause problems down the line. It’s advisable to discuss what marriage means, the roles and expectations of each other.
This point is very critical and should never be taken lightly.
Related Post: 8 Reasons Why marriage is important
Master Each others love language.
Love Languages are a concept made popular by Gary Chapman in his book The Five Love Languages. Basically, there are five ways that people express love and they’re all different:
– Words of Affirmation
– Quality Time
– Receiving Gifts
– Acts of Service
– Physical Touch
Everyone has their own primary love language which is the one they feel most loved by. By understanding and practicing your partner’s love language, you show them that you care about their needs and how to make them happy! If we’re honest, we usually don’t think of our own primary love language until other people start showing us theirs.
Releated Post: The Five Love Language
Find wise counsel
The Bible has a lot to say regarding wise counsel, and we should pay attention to what it has to say.
Proverbs 15:22 (NIV) Plans fail for lack of counsel, but with many advisers they succeed.
Looking at this verse, we can conclude that wise counsel is essential to prepare you for a future life together.
Despite the fact that it’s simply dating, we advise you to seek godly counsel when dating.
Three ways You find wise counsel
- Start looking for a mentor couple.
- Find couples who are around your age and who live near you to hang out with.
- In order to avoid mistakes, take advantage of premarital counseling.
Proverbs 11:14 (NKJV) Where there is no counsel, the people fall; But in the multitude of counselors there is safety.
You should follow the Biblical principal of listening to wise counsel for your own good and safety. It may be difficult, but following these steps will help protect yourself from making a bad decision that could lead to heartache or sin down the road.
Related Post: Premarital Counseling {ultimate guide for couples}
Study Scripture Together
The greatest thing you can do together as a couple is to read books and study the Bible. This has many advantages that will improve your life and lay a solid foundation for your relationship.
2 Timothy 3:16 (AMP) All Scripture is God-breathed [given by divine inspiration] and is profitable for instruction, for conviction [of sin], for correction [of error and restoration to obedience], for training in righteousness [learning to live in conformity to God’s will, both publicly and privately—behaving honorably with personal integrity and moral courage];
The word of God has power to correct, change and transform people to be more like Christ. When you and your partner commit to studying scripture, the word will be a lamp at your feet and guide your path to marriage.
As you grow deeper in your study of scripture, you gain more discernment and can easily and graciously work on your issue while being patient with your partner’s weaknesses.
If you can work on one advice on this list, try this one.
Related Post: 25 Christian Books For Couples To Read Together
Focus on the person, not the relationship
This advice can sometimes be hard to understand, but I’ll try break it down for you..
Remember that the first priority of any relationship is to the individual not the institution. People commit to the relationship and do everything right, but never pause and ask themselves, how am I serving my partner. Yes, I know that I’ve been doing all this, but is he/she satisfied/happy?
You should consider committing to the person and not just be happy being in a relationship.
Ephesians 5:25 (NKJV) 25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her,
Let me know on the comment if you want me to do a separe article on this.
Learn To Effectively Communicate
This goes without saying, communication is key to a happy relationship. There are a few things that you can do to improve your communication.
Knowing when and where to have serious conversations as well as phone conversations/text messages can be a game-changer. When they are busy, don’t bombard them with constant contact or expect an immediate response!
The most significant benefit of learning how to communicate with your partner in a way that is effective, healthy, and pleasurable is that it will make your life more enjoyable. It will also help you create a solid foundation for your relationship by making both people feel understood.
Amos 3:3 (NKJV) Can two walk together, unless they are agreed?
Effective communication brings clarity of things that need to be done. Where there is clarity, there is trust. Trust is the key ingredient to a happy love life. So learn to communicate with your partner. It will serve you a lot of misunderstanding.
Related Post: 10 Signs God is Preparing You For A Relationship
conclussion:
It’s important to remember that when it comes to matters of the heart, there are no rules! What works for other people may not work for you and vice versa. There really is no cookie cutter approach in finding love or “the one”. At the end of the day, all that matters is being yourself and following your heart.
Let this advice be a place to start and don’t settle for anything less than what you deserve. So as you go out there and attempt to date, remember the most important dating advice is trust God to guide you.
Let us know which of the 20 Christian dating tips you found most helpful in the comments below!
Let me pray for you!
May the Lord lead and protect you; may His countenance shine upon you and give you peace; and may you seek and find after. May His hand bring to mind someone who will enter your life and give you an experience unlike any other. May you never forget that it is God who links people together, and He alone who sustain and satify.
May He help you in fulfilling your desire to honor Him with your body and mouth until marriage.
May you give a testimony of God’s goodness by the end of the year. May this praying move from your lips to God’s ear and may He make all your love desires come true. May He do this for His Glory and for your joy. Amen.
Pastor Shaddy
I wish you all the best in your search for love. If you have found someone already I wish you a great life together. God bless you.
Reference: Bible Gateway
