It’s no secret that having good expectations in a relationship is key to maintaining a healthy, happy connection with your partner. But what does that actually mean?
On one hand, having certain expectations of your partner can help to keep the relationship strong and healthy. For example, if you expect your partner to always be honest with you, this can help create a foundation of trust.
On the other hand, if you have unrealistic expectations of your partner, this can put a lot of pressure on the relationship and ultimately lead to its downfall. See 13 early signs that your relationship won’t last (revealed).
It’s important to be aware of the role that expectations play in your relationship so that you can manage them in a way that benefits both you and your partner.
If you find that your expectations are starting to negatively impact your relationship, then it may be time to reassess them. See 3 reasons expectations in relationships hurts us and makes us unhappy
Let me share with you everything you need to know about expectations in relationships.
What are expectations in relationships?
Let’s begin with definitions. Expectations are the ideas or beliefs that we have about how someone should behave in a given situation in a relationship. These beliefs originate from our past experiences, from things we’ve been exposed to such as movies and romantic music, and sometimes from what we’ve observed in other couples.
They help shape our relationships and give them structure. Without expectations, we would not know how to act or what to expect from our partner in a relationship.
Expectations can be both positive and negative.
Positive expectations are those that we hope will happen, such as expecting our partner to be loyal and honest. See 90 deep questions to ask a Christian girl before dating her.
Negative expectations are those that we fear will happen, such as expecting our partner to cheat on us.
Regardless of whether they are positive or negative, all expectations affect our relationships in some way.
Important of Expectations in a relationship
Expectations play a crucial role in every relationship.
I’ll focus on three reasons why expectations are important.
- Expectations help define the way in which we want to be treated and the direction in which we want the relationship to go. If we don’t have expectations, we could end up in relationships that are unhealthy or even harmful.
- Expectations help to ensure that everyone is on the same page and that everyone’s needs are being satisfied. It would be difficult to determine whether a relationship is rewarding or healthy without having expectations.
- Expectations also help keep people accountable. If one person consistently fails to meet the expectations of their partner, it can lead to tension and resentment. This can eventually cause the relationship to unravel.
Of course, having realistic expectations in a relationship is essential. If you have unrealistic expectations, you may find yourself constantly disappointed. See 20 valuable Christian advice about dating that’s worth your time.
Types of expectations in relationships
When it comes to expectations in relationships, there are three main types: normative, comparative, and self-referent.
- Normative expectations are based on cultural norms and what is considered to be the social norm. For example, in many cultures, it is expected that the man will pay for dates or that the woman will take care of the household chores.
- Comparative expectations are based on comparisons to other people or relationships. For example, if you have a friend who is in a relationship where they are always fighting, you may expect that your own relationship will be free of conflict.
- Self-referential expectations are based on your own personal standards and beliefs. For example, if you value honesty above all else, you may expect your partner to always be honest with you.
Read more on What to do After first date with a girl.
Realistic expectations in a relationship
It’s no secret that relationships take work, and commitment but what are some things that you should realistically expect from your partner? See why commitment is important in relationship.
Here are a few realistic expectations in any relationship.
- You should be able to rely on your partner for support, whether it’s emotional support during tough times or help with household chores. Your partner should also be someone you can trust and confide in.
- There will be disagreements and arguments in any relationship, but what’s important is how you and your partner handle them. Do you communicate effectively and listen to each other? Do you work together to find a solution instead of trying to win an argument?
Finally, remember that relationships are a two-way street. What you put into the relationship is what you’ll get out of it. If you’re expecting your partner to make all the effort, you’re likely to be disappointed.
Examples of Unrealistic Expectations in Relationships
We often have expectations that are simply unrealistic. For example, we might expect our partner to always be available when we need them or to always agree with us.
Unfortunately, this is often not the case. Here are a few other examples of unrealistic expectations in relationships.
We expect our partners to be mind readers.
We often expect our partners to know what we’re thinking or feeling without us having to tell them. This can lead to frustration on both sides when one person is left guessing what the other is thinking.
We expect our partner to never make mistakes.
Everyone makes mistakes, but when we’re in a relationship, we often expect our partner to be perfect. This just sets us up for disappointment and can lead to resentment.
We expect that we will always agree on everything
Disagreement is a natural part of any relationship. If you expect that you and your partner will always see eye-to-eye, you’re setting yourself up for disappointment. It’s okay to disagree from time to time, as long as you’re able to communicate and resolve your differences.
You expect that your partner will always be available when you need them.
We all have busy lives, and sometimes our partners can’t be there for us when we need them. It’s important to understand that everyone needs some space and independence, even in a relationship.
We expect that our partner should never make me angry or upset.
It’s normal to feel anger and frustration in any relationship. What’s important is how you handle those emotions. If you expect your partner to never make you angry, you’re setting yourself up for disappointment.
Healthy relationships require compromise, and sometimes that means you won’t see eye to eye on everything. It’s okay to disagree, as long as you’re both willing to work together to find a solution that works for both of you.
Dangers of having high expectations:
It’s no secret that having high expectations in a relationship can be dangerous. Unreasonable expectations can lead to disappointment, resentment, and even heartache.
Here are 7 effects of unrealistic expectations in a relationship.
1. Creates pressure
2. Breeds resentment
3. Can be unattainable
4. Leads to disappointment
5. Fosters comparison
6. Sets you up for failure
7. Causes arguments
Those are some dangers of having high expectations that are not realistic. Now lets look at some good examples of good expectations that you should have in your relationship.
11 Examples of Good Expectations in a Relationship
When it comes to expectations in a relationship, it’s important to have good ones. But what exactly qualifies as a good expectation?
A good expectation is something that is realistic. It is something that you can foresee happening in a relationship. A bad expectation is unrealistic or unattainable.
Here are 11 examples of good expectations in a relationship:
- I expect my partner to be honest with me and tell me if there is something I can do to make our relationship stronger.
- I expect my partner to meet my needs so that I don’t have to go looking elsewhere for love, affection, and intimacy.
- I expect my partner to keep their promises and honor their commitments. They should not say one thing and do another, or act in a way that is inconsistent with what they said they would do.
- I expect my partner to be faithful to me: When it comes to relationships, one of the most common expectations is faithfulness. Most people expect their partners to be loyal and not cheat on them. This is a reasonable expectation to have in a relationship since trust is such an important part of any healthy relationship.
- I expect to be treated with respect. This means my partner will always speak to me kindly, listen to my point of view, and show me courtesy and consideration.
- I expect honest communication. This means my partner will always be open and honest with me about their thoughts, feelings, and behaviors – even if it’s something difficult to share.
- I expect my partner to be loving towards me. This doesn’t mean that they need to be perfect, but I do expect them to show me love and affection.
- I expect both myself and my partner to always strive to better ourselves both individually and as a couple.
- I expect my partner to be supportive of me. This means being there for me when I need them, whether I’m going through a tough time or celebrating a success.
- I expect my partner to apologize when they are wrong. This shows that they are willing to take responsibility for their actions and that they value our relationship.
- I expect my partner to share what they feel. I want them to be open and honest with me about their thoughts and emotions. This will help us to connect on a deeper level and build trust.
When we have good expectations of each other, it creates a strong foundation for a lasting and healthy relationship.
In conclusion, when two people are in a relationship, they have certain expectations of each other. These expectations can be based on many different things, such as previous relationships, societal norms, or simply what each person wants from the relationship.
Having expectations is not necessarily a bad thing, as long as those expectations are realistic and communicated to the other person. Study shows that having good expectations can lead to high performance.
Having different or mismatched expectations can be a recipe for disaster. So, talk to your partner about what you both expect from the relationship and be open to hearing their perspective.