In this article, I will show you how to get your ex back and keep him for good in 15 simple steps. The truth is that breakups suck, sometimes I wonder: Are relationships really worth it? Is it worth it to give someone a second chance? The answer is, if you love them it’s worth everything. Anyway, let’s talk about getting him back fast and for good. After several months of research, I finally came out with a 15 steps guide to help you overcome loneliness and get your love story going.
In a hurry, check out these recommended books, we found them to be very helpful.
- Manifesting Love by Elizabeth Daniels
- How to Get Your Ex Back Fast by Gregg Michaelsen
- It’s Called a Breakup Because It’s Broken by Greg Behrendt
If you want to Get Your Ex back Fast-Know what was working?
Every breakup story has a root cause. Think about your relationship story as a tree. Green leaves, pretty looking stem, or even some fruits on it. If all of a sudden the tree starts drying up, chances are there is a huge problem, the problem can either be the environment, the gardener or the owner, maybe he stopped taking care of it, etc. I always want to think about my relationship in that way. Knowing what is working will help me know how to fix it when it’s broken. It’s the same with every relationship, know what’s working.
Pro Tip: Write down everything you think was working with your ex in your relationship. The first step is to acknowledge that every relationship is sustained by something. And the two of you are contributors to that “something.”
The reason why most people break up, makeup then break up again, is because they got back to each other without addressing what the root cause was. Then, when the problem emerges again they call it quit. Don’t be that person. Rise up and go get a cool journal and write down some of the things you felt were working for the two of you. This will help get you to step two. You don’t want to get your ex back then go through a roller coaster of emotion trying to keep them, you deserve better.
Let’s summarize this step, “If you don’t know what’s working and why it’s working you won’t know how to fix it when it’s broken” Andy Stanley Do you have your list. Now let’s go to step two.
Be Honest With Yourself-Your Ex Coming back Depends on it
This step will require a lot of honesty and digging deeper from your end. In this step, you need to think with your head not just your heart. I will explain this further in step 7. Let’s go back to the analogy of a tree. Assume that there is a change of season and the tree is dying due to lack of enough water.
It’s true the leaves will start drying up, but these leaves are not the problem, and if the owner put all his effort into taking care of the leaves might not be able to save the tree. Because that’s not the root cause. Dry leaves are a sign of a problem or a change of weather. Were there signs of dry leaves in your relationship? If you chose to get your ex back you need to address the root issue.
This is the same with many relationships today. People try to save a relationship by taking care of the leaves without addressing the root cause. Let me be honest with you, getting your ex back is not hard, the hardest thing is to keep him and the two of you thriving again in your relationship.
Actually, the hardest part is for the two of you to address what broke you apart in the first place.
So this brings us to step two. You see the list you wrote, think through it, and write down on the side of what happened. Or what was the status before you broke up.
Let me give you an example: Maybe one of the things that were holding you two together was, “date night” or “long phone calls” or “telling each other how much you love each other” These are just but few examples. Now indicate the status and whose fault it was. Remember I said you have to be honest, this is the time.
“Date night” Status: Not as it used to be. Changes: A new job, or kids, etc. Whose fault is it anyway?
Now do that with the entire list. This is important because you will know where the problem was and how to fix it when you get your ex back. Some of this fault will not be yours, right? but remember the same way you are a contributor to the things that worked; you are also responsible for the things that didn’t work. It might not be 100% but the truth is you also are a contributor to the break up even if it’s 1%. And this brings us to the third step. They say it takes two to tangle.
First, let me summarize this step, there are many other things that might have caused your break up but you need to figure out what the root cause was before you jump in the relationship again. Don’t ignore the small things. Most of the time the obvious drama is not the main drama; there are underlined issues that cause these dramas. Remember the Titanic and the iceberg.
Step 3: Whose fault was it anyway?
Owning up to your mistakes and faults will make you move on faster or get back to the relationship with a clear mind. The worst thing you can do in any relationship is to get back to each other while very bitter at each other. The Foundation of healthy relationships is trust and getting into one with bitterness will ruin the chances of you trusting your partner again.
In the future, I will write about bitterness if you guys want to read about its comments below. Clarity is key in every healthy relationship, bitterness blurs our view about things when we get back to each other. With the list above what are some of the things that you know were your fault?
Take a deep breath and admit that you also contributed. What this does is that it removes your focus from thinking that your ex-partner was the one who made you break up. This is important because. When you get back together you will be able to apologize and point out what your faults were. Thinking that you were perfect in the relationship is a big lie. It’s true he might have contributed the big chunk of the reasons but you; also contribute even if it’s just 1%.
Let’s summarize this step; you need to admit you also contributed. I repeat this again. Getting your ex back is not hard, sticking together is. And for the two of you to stick in a healthy relationship you need to own up to your mistakes. They say if your pointing one figure to your partner, four others are pointing back to you. Seriously, think about this, I personally believe this is the key to a happy ever after kinda relationship.
The first three steps are all about you honestly evaluating yourself. The next three steps will be about the future together.
Your Ex’s Fault?
By now you’re pretty confident about yourself. You know where you messed up, what needs to change, and how you will improve when you get back to the relationship. But one more question before you make the decision. I call this the deal-breaker question.
After reading this quote my way of making life decisions changed forever. Let me paraphrase it. If you know yourself you have won half the battle. If you know your partner you have won the other half. Okay, let me break it down for you.
Now you know yourself, and the areas you need to work on. Half of the job is done; now let’s get to investigate our ex. Now; here comes the deal-breaker question.
If everything you’ve written remains constant will you still want to go back or will you still accept your ex back?
The answer to this question will determine what you need to do next. Some of you will go back to each other and this is the beginning of a new journey. For those who wish to start something new, your next step starts here, you can read this article one “Starting a new relationship after a messy break up” or “why I chose to stay single”. The relationship is about giving someone controls over your life, your future, and your happiness. You need to count the cost.
For those who wish to take their partner back or go back, here are your next big steps.
Let’s first summarize this step, now you know yourself, you know your ex ask yourself this deal-breaker question. If everything remains constant am I ready to take them back.
Count the Cost
If you have gotten to this point I know you’re serious about getting him back. I want you to be aware of this. Everything comes with a cost. Some of it’s very high other is low. Relationship, on the other hand, is very unpredictable. The relationship is work; it requires a lot of intentionalities.
The truth is the hardest thing to do is let go when you know you need to hold on or to hold on to something when you know you need to let go. Writing from a Christian perspective I will tell you that you need to pray and ask God for direction as you get back to each other. Ask God to guide you as you take this relationship to the next level.
Let me summarize, Pray and be positive about your next steps into the relationship.
The relationship will never be the same?
Be aware that after breaking up the relationship never goes back to how it used to be, it changes. The reality is; it will never be the same, it can be 10 times better or very different. That’s the reality but shoot for the 10 times better. Being aware of this is important because you will not beat yourself up or even blame your partner if things are not as they used to be, for sure you can make them better but you can’t go back to the same place. And it involves your emotions, your love, your trust, and many others
By now there is already tension between the two of you that’s the changes am talking about, talk to your ex and discuss some of these things. If you’re serious about getting your ex back then you need to be aware of these realities.
For an instant, if the reason for your break up was infidelity chances are the thoughts of him repeating still linger in your head. Wanting to go back perfectly to how it used to be is absolutely impossible. It’s like trying to fit into a box that you have already outgrown. Be ready for changes. This is the new normal. The goal is to be better actually happy and in a healthy relationship. This is possible. And you can do this.
Let’s summarize this step, Different doesn’t mean bad.
Apologize don’t beg?
In a relationship both parties need to see the need for it, otherwise, you might find yourself dating yourself. Begging is a sign of desperation. Don’t be desperate, if you know you have value your ex needs to see that you got it. If you want your ex back and he wants you back then you need to be yourself.
If you have never read this scripture or you’re not even a Christian let me show you a scripture that will inspire you.
Psalm 139:14: NIV
14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.
If your ex is coming back he needs to understand that you have value and you will do everything to protect yourself.
But this is not an excuse to be arrogant. Be nice but don’t mess up yourself trying to get your ex back.
The next time you feel lonely just goggle this verse and read it out loud to yourself.
Be Patient with Your Ex? The best strategy to get your ex-man back
Most effort of trying to get back to each other die in this stage
After apologizing be patient with your Ex. The journey of healing takes time. At this point, you know too well what you need to do to improve and make the relationship better. The challenge is your ex might not have gotten to this point yet, so you need to give them time to process so that you can have an honest open conversation. You can actually send them this article if you think it is helpful and might help speed the process.
Most effort or trying to get back to each other die in this stage. Most people especially those who have already processed their part want their partner to be on the same page “right now”. Speed kills literally, and in a relationship, you need to watch out for this “I want us to be here right now mentality”. Give each other time, be patient with each other, take it slow even if it means going back to being friends, and build it up from there.
Take it from me, if you’re in the wrong direction speed won’t help you unless your agenda is to wreck every. And by now I know that’s not the case
Let’s summarize this, know the direction before you hit the gas. Stay positive and be patient with each other.
Don’t text, Don’t Call rule [ the Power of No Contact rule}
Most probably you have but in case you haven’t this is what it means. When an ex asks for a breakup; give them a breakup. You can’t break up but still want the benefits of me listening to you. Find something to do, start a sport, find new friends, and go out with your friends or family.
Give them that break they wanted. I know you will miss him but don’t break the rule especially if it’s them who wanted the breakup. They say time will tell and for sure in this break-up space-time will tell if they still care about you then they will come back. And when they do, take time to go through this article or things you have learned together. Process and be on the same page before you move on. Chances are if he comes back he will be ready to talk. If he doesn’t come you can move one happily without baggage.
Questions to ask
I categorize these questions into three
Question about Me
Here you ask him a question about you that will help both of you process better where you are at.
- What do you think i feel?
- What was my fault?
- Is there something i did that made you lose hope in us?
Question about them
Starting with yourself makes him feel comfortable because they feel like it was your fault that things didn’t work. And it’s okay because this next set of questions will determine how he feels about you.
- How are you feeling about us?
- What are the est memorize you have of us?
- What is the one moment if we are to do over you will enjoy most?
- Have you been thinking about me?
- Is there something you want to tell me?
Question about us
Getting your ex back is a great thing if the two of you are thinking about the future together.
- Do you want us back?
- What can we do to improve us?
- If we get back together what is the one thing you desire us to focus on?
- What have you been thinking about us?
She Might Not Wait For You Forever
They say men move one quickly after a breakup, then later realized and want to come back but it will be too late because women move on slowly but when they are done, they never go back.
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