Marriage is a sacred covenant between one man and one woman. It can be a source of joy and happiness, or it can be a source of pain and sorrow. That’s why we teach couples to prepare for marriage spiritually because it makes a difference.
A satisfying marriage is one that is founded on a combination of the right mindset, biblical principles, and the right motives. It’s not one or the other; it’s both. That’s why it’s vital to understand biblical principles and have the proper mindset when getting into marriage.
This Step by Step Guide will provide you with tools to effectively prepare for marriage spiritually. We will discuss what spiritual preparation for marriage entails, God’s original plan for marriage, Godly principles in scripture, and why Spiritual preparation is so important.
It sounds overwhelming, but don’t worry; I got you. I’ll give you 9 practical steps on how to get started.
Side Note: This is part of a free course on marriage preparation. Today we will look at ” how to prepare spiritually for marriage.” This is critical, but it is not the only thing you should consider when preparing for marriage. For more information on other things to consider, see this free comprehensive guide to marriage preparation.
Let’s dive.
The 6 Best Christian Books for Struggling Marriages (updated 2023 list)
What is spiritual marriage preparation?
Spiritual marriage preparation is the process of getting yourselves ready both emotionally and spiritually for the lifetime commitment of marriage.
This involves understanding God’s design for marriage, what your roles and responsibilities are as a husband or wife, and what God intends love to look like between a man and his wife.
Understanding God’s design for marriage
There are numerous books, concepts, and worldviews about marriage, but those who desire a solid satisfying long-lasting marriage must understand and commit to God’s original purpose.
There are three books that I found valuable and they broadened my view on the subject. One is by Timothy Keller, “The meaning of Marriage” and another by Gary Thomas “Sacred Marriage” and You and me forever by Francis Chan, you can find them on Amazon if you wish to read them.
Here’s God’s primary design for marriage;
- To be a source of intimate godly companionship, fulfillment, and procreation. (Genesis 1:28)
- To reflect God’s covenant relationship with His people. (Ephesians 5:21–33)
- To be a team that works together to accomplish God’s purposes. (1 Corinthians 10:31)
- To refine us for fruitfulness and eternity
- To serve each other for the Glory of God.
Understanding roles and responsibilities
In a God-honoring marriage, both the husband and wife have distinct yet complementary roles.
The husband is to lead and provide for his family, and the wife is to support and encourage her husband in his role as leader. (Ephesians 5:21–33; 1 Timothy 3:4–5; 1 Peter 3:1–7)
When both husband and wife understand and fulfill their God-given roles, the marriage relationship is strengthened and the family unit is more effective in carrying out its God-given mission.
Understand how God intends love to look like
The Bible is clear on how love should look in the context of marriage, scriptures such as 1 Corinthians 13, Philippians 2:3-4, and Ephesians 5:21-33 describe love in terms of selflessness, sacrifice, and service.
When we love our spouses the way God intends us to, we are able to put their needs above our own and serve them as Jesus served the church. This type of love is not based on feelings or emotions but on a decision to love our spouses unconditionally.
Why do we need to spiritually prepare for marriage?
Getting into marriage with the wrong word view and mindset will only lead to disillusionment and disappointment. There are three reasons why spiritual preparation for marriage is so important.
It helps us understand what the bible says about marriage and the sacrifice expected.
For example, the Bible talks about submission and sacrificial love, which are clearly defined. However, there are others who will provide you with a different viewpoint on this topic that may corrupt the truth and lead you to a destructive toxic marriage.
During the spiritual marriage preparation process, you and your spouse are expected to discuss these issues and anticipate future problems before they become serious problems. To do so, you’ll need to identify and resolve these worldviews, concerns, and internal struggles.
This idea of submission is a very significant issue in marriages, and if not handled correctly, it can have serious long-term consequences.
It sets our expectations for marriage at a realistic and healthy level.
When you recognize that your main goal in marriage is to glorify God and put your partner’s interests ahead of yours, you’ll have a much healthier outlook on marriage.
It becomes much easier for someone with a healthy outlook on marriage to forgive, give a second chance, and solve conflicts in a healthy way. It’s not easy but it’s much easier compared to the alternative.
It equips us with ideas on how to grow deeper with God together.
Couples get married with the intention to grow closer to God, then later they realize that they are actually growing further apart. If you don’t have a plan on how to grow deeper with God together, your relationship with Him will slowly fade over time.
Spiritual preparation for marriage will give you the tools and ideas necessary to not only grow closer to God individually but also to grow closer to Him as a couple.
Those are the main reasons among many others that make preparing for marriage spiritually powerful.
8 steps to effectively prepare for marriage spiritually.
We have talked about marriage preparation, now let’s look at some specific steps that will help prepare you for marriage spiritually.
Step #1: Develop a personal intimate love relationship with God
Marriage is a serious institution, and if you don’t have a good relationship with God, the challenges will overwhelm you. It’s absolutely vital for your to start cultivating a personal relationship with God before getting married. You can do this by,
- Creating a healthy prayer routine
- Studying and meditating on scriptures
- Investing in fellowship (church or bible study group)
- Create healthy boundaries to protect your purity
Here’s a book we encourage people to read in our church “Experiencing God by Henry Blackaby“ fee free to reach it if you wish.
Step #2: Encourage your partner to grow deeper with God.
If you are already in a relationship, start encouraging your partner to grow deeper with God. It’s important that both partners are spiritually grounded because when challenges come (and they will), you will be able to lean on each other and God for strength.
Here are some ways you can encourage your partner’s spiritual growth:
- Pray with them (create a regular prayer routine either online or physical)
- Attend church or bible study together
- Encourage them to create their own personal relationship with God
- Have healthy conversations about your spiritual beliefs.
- Read spiritual books together or bible plans
Here’s a beautiful quote I love “work on me pray for your partner”.
Related Post: 25 Christian books for couples to read together
Step #3: Invest in your relationship by seeking a spiritual mentor
The Bible is clear that in the multitude of wise counsel there is safety (Proverbs 11:14). It’s important to have people in your life that can offer you godly wisdom and perspective when it comes to your relationship.
A spiritual mentor is someone who can help you grow in your relationship with God and with your partner. This could be a pastor, a counselor, or an elder at your church.
Step #4: Deal with any unconfessed sin and put boundaries in place to protect your purity
If you want to have a healthy and thriving relationship with God, it’s important to deal with any sin in your life. This may mean going to confession or seeking counseling to deal with deep-rooted issues.
It’s also important to put boundaries in place to protect your purity. This may include;
- Setting limits on physical affection
- Not being alone together in private places,
- Having accountability partners.
Recommended book: Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No To Take Control of Your Life
Step 5: Deal with past hurts and resentments.
Though we will discuss in-depth “emotional preparation”, allow me to touch on it here because it’s a critical aspect of spiritual preparation.
Dealing with your past hurts and resentment, whether from your family of origin or another past relationship, will set your heart free to experience the joys of marriage. This is part of spiritual preparation because it involves extending grace and forgiveness.
Here are a few steps to consider;
- Identify the hurt and forgive the person (s) who harmed you. Work through the pain with a spiritual mentor, professional help, or support groups if necessary.
- Discuss with your partner the triggers and how to deal with such situations in the future.
Recommend Book: Forgiving What You Can't Forget
Step #6: Invest in Christian couples seminars or retreats
One of the best investments you can make for your relationship is to regularly attend Christian couple’s seminars or retreats. This will help prepare you for marriage emotionally and spiritually.
Some benefits of attending such events are;
- You acquire knowledge about different spiritual truths
- You learn how to communicate better with your partner
- You learn how to deal with conflict in a godly way
You will also get an opportunity to connect with other Christian couples.
The 6 Best Christian Books for Struggling Marriages (updated 2023 list)
Step #7: Discuss what the bible says about marriage, roles, and expectations
To be thoroughly prepared for marriage, you need to have discussions about what the bible says about marriage. This includes roles and expectations.
Here are some questions to consider;
- What does the bible say about submission and sacrificial love and what does it look like for us?
- In 1 Corinthians 13:4, Apostle Paul emphasizes some outstanding characteristics of genuine love, which one are we struggling with and how can we improve?
- What’s your view on tithing and giving to charity?
- Do you believe God owns everything and He has given us a portion to be stewards? How are you stewarding your resources and how will it be when we get married?
- What’s your view on your role in marriage and what do you think about my role? Do our views align with scripture?
- What do you expect from me in marriage?
You can find a wide range of these questions on our list of the best 78 premarital counseling questions.
Step #8: Seek God’s blessing on your marriage.
Before you walk down the aisle, it’s important to seek God’s blessing on your marriage. This is done through prayer and fasting.
A prayer is a powerful tool that allows us to commune with God and combined with fasting it’s a powerful tool. It’s an act of humility and submission. As you pray, ask God to bless your relationship and prepare you for the holy institution of marriage.
Here is a sample prayer you can use;
Dear Lord,
Thank you for the gift of marriage. I pray that you would bless our relationship and prepare us for the holy institution of marriage.
We pray that you would give us wisdom as we navigate through the different stages of our relationship. I also pray that you would help us to deal with the hurts and pain of our past so that we can walk into our marriage free from baggage.
We pray that you would give us the grace to forgive one another and to extend forgiveness to those who have hurt us in the past. I pray that you would help us to communicate effectively and to resolve conflict in a godly way.
We also pray that you would give us the strength to remain committed to our relationship even when things are tough.
I ask all these things in Jesus’ mighty name, Amen.
Pastor Shadrack T. Ashaiyo
Step #9: Learn to guard your heart and mind
The Bible tells us to guard our hearts and minds (Proverbs 4:23) because out of it flow the issues of life. This means that whatever we allow into our hearts and minds will eventually be manifested in our lives.
Therefore, it’s important to guard what we are watching, the conversations we are engaged in, and the things we are keeping in our hearts.
This is an important step in preparing for marriage spiritually because it helps to protect us from anything that can damage our relationship now or in the future.
Bible verse about Preparing for marriage Spiritually
A spouse is a good thing, according to Proverbs 18:22, which says, “He who finds a wife obtains favor from the Lord. Here are additional scriptures about marriage preparation that have been previously mentioned in this blog article.
- Ephesians 5:21–33
- Genesis 1:28
- 1 Corinthians 7:1–40
- Colossians 3:17
- 1 Corinthians 10:21
- 1 Timothy 3:4–5
- 1 Peter 3:1–7
- Proverbs 4:23
- 1 Corinthians 13
- Philippians 2:3-4
- Proverbs 11:14
Key Takeaway
Spiritual preparation is just as important as the other types of preparation for marriage. It sets the foundation for a strong and lasting relationship. If you want your marriage to be the best it can be, start by preparing for it spiritually. Following the steps outlined in this article will give you a good chance of having a godly marriage.
We wish you all the best as you embark on this journey of preparing for marriage. Don’t forget to check our free comprehensive guide to marriage preparation, for those working on their wedding see our list of vows for inspiration.
You can reach me on Facebook here. If you like it share it. Over to you!
