love styles

How we Love: Discover Your Love Style & Love Type

When it comes to love, everyone has their own style. Some people are all about grand gestures, while others prefer to keep things more low-key. There are those who like to take their time getting to know someone before committing, and others who believe in love at first sight.

So what exactly is a love style? It’s basically the way you approach and experience relationships. It’s how you express your feelings, how you show affection, and how you deal with conflict.

Your love style is largely influenced by your personality type. For example, if you’re someone who is naturally shy or introverted, you’re likely to have a more subdued love style. If you’re outgoing and passionate, your love style is probably pretty intense. See also the 8 stages of dating to help you understand more about relationships, or the highly recommended The 5 Love languages.

What is your love style?

There are six common love styles, and most people fall into one of them. They are the avoider, the pleaser, the vacillator, the controller, the secure, and the victim.

Side note: 3 Reasons Expectations In Relationships Hurt Or Make Us Unhappy?

The Avoider

The avoider is someone who is afraid of intimacy and commitment. They tend to be independent and self-sufficient, and they may have difficulty expressing emotions. They may also withdraw from relationships when things get too close.

The Pleaser

The pleaser is someone who consistently puts their partner’s needs above their own. They want to be loved and accepted, and they fear rejection. They may also have trouble asserting themselves or setting boundaries.

The Vacillator

A vacillator is a person who cannot make up their mind. They are indecisive and constantly changing their opinion. This can be frustrating for those around them, as they can never seem to agree on anything.

The Controller

A controller is a person who takes charge and dominates in a relationship. They like to be in control of everything and often take on more responsibility than their partner.

This can be seen as a positive quality, as it shows they are reliable and capable. However, it can also be a negative trait, as it can lead to the controller feeling like they are always right and that their partner is not good enough.

This can result in tension and conflict in the relationship.

The Secure

The secure style is characterized by trust, commitment, and a deep emotional connection. This type of love is built on mutual respect and understanding. Couples who have a secure love style tend to be very supportive of one another and are able to weather tough times together.

The Victim

The victim is someone who blames others for their problems and their unhappiness. They may have a poor self-image, and they tend to feel powerless. In some cases, the victim may be unaware of their own role in their problems.

Victims often struggle in relationships due to their need for constant validation from others. They may feel like they are never good enough or that they do not deserve happiness. This can lead to them feeling resentful or unhappy in their current situation.

So what is your love style?

Think about how you express yourself in a relationship

  • Do you like to take things slow or dive right in?
  • Are you the type to plan every detail or go with the flow?
  • Do you like to be in charge or be swept off your feet?
  • Do you tend to wear your heart on your sleeve or do you play it cool?
  • Are you always honest about your feelings or do you hold back sometimes?
  • Do you like to be spontaneous or do you prefer everything to be planned out?

The benefits of knowing your love style

The love style can help individuals learn more about themselves and how they relate to others in a romantic sense. It can provide insight into what kinds of behaviors and relationship patterns someone is likely to exhibit in a partnership.

Here are some of the benefits of knowing your love style and your partner’s love style:

1. You’ll be able to better communicate your needs.

2. You’ll have a deeper understanding of what makes your partner feel loved.

3. You’ll be able to resolve conflicts more effectively.

4. You’ll be able to create a stronger, more lasting bond with your partner.

The downside of not knowing your love style

When it comes to love, not knowing your love style can have some pretty big downsides.

For one, you may find yourself constantly wondering why your partner doesn’t seem to love you the way you want them to.

If you don’t know your love style, you may also find yourself feeling like you’re constantly put last on your partner’s list of priorities.

Not knowing your love style can also make it difficult to communicate with your partner about what you need from them. Without this knowledge, you may find yourself feeling frustrated and even resentful towards your partner because they don’t seem to “get” you.

Ultimately, not knowing your love style can lead to a feeling of disconnection in your relationship. If you’re not able to connect with your partner on a deeper level, it may be difficult to maintain a lasting and fulfilling relationship.

The 6 different types of love styles

Love Types are the ways we give and receive love. There are six different types of love, which are:

1. Eros: This is passionate, romantic love. It is the feeling of being “in love” and is often accompanied by strong sexual attraction.

2. Ludus: This is a more playful, lighthearted form of love. It is often seen in young relationships or those that are not particularly serious. There is often an element of game-playing in Ludus relationships.

3. Storge: This is the type of love that develops slowly over time and is based on friendship and mutual respect. It is often seen in long-term relationships or marriages.

4. Pragma: This type of love is based on logic and practicality rather than emotion. It is often seen in arranged marriages or relationships between people who are very different from each other.

5. Mania This type of love is obsessive and often unhealthy. It is sometimes referred to as ‘love addiction.’

6. Agape: Agape is a selfless type of love that is unconditional, meaning that it does not have any conditions. This is the type of love we are called to have for one another as Christians. While these types of love are not always easy to identify, it’s important to do so. It’s good practice to ask people you know, “What type of love is this relationship?

Take the quiz to find out your love style!

Reference: Gottman Institute , Eric, National Library of Medicine