There are several reasons that cause couples to move in and live together before marriage. For some, it’s a baby, others it’s lust, choice, convenience, or a finance-related situation. Whatever your reasons for cohabiting is, I want to let you know that premarital counseling for couples living together is something that might save your relationship.
What do I mean by saving your relationship? A lot of separation happens among cohabiting couples because most of them haven’t processed the reality of marriage. Living together is not just about convenience but making a choice to love even when it’s hard to like someone. This kind of love comes with commitment.
Are you in a hurry check out these three books that we highly recommend:
- Preparing for Marriage Couples Guide
- Preparing for Marriage Leaders Guide
- The Meaning of Marriage-Timothy Keller
- Devotions for Engaged Couples- Gary Thomas
The big question is why are you living together with someone who is not willing to take the next step in getting married? This question is important because you’re not alone…
According to recent research conducted by Pew Research, 69% of couples cohabit without the plan of getting married. This kind of relationship is dangerous because one day someone will wake up and leave without an explanation. Marriage comes with its benefits that you won’t get from a cohabiting arrangement.
It is important for you to evaluate your relationship and see if it’s worth the next step. Taking the next step requires courage and wisdom. You and your partner need to start having this conversation as soon as possible.
The best place we recommend starting is to sign up for a premarital counseling program. Taking the next step doesn’t need to be expensive or a big hustle. After finishing your premarital session, you can do a small wedding ceremony have a pastor come over and join you in marriage.
Reasons Why Premarital Counseling is important for cohabiting Couples
The danger of cohabitation is that it gives a false sense of security. That’s why couples living together need to be equipped by going through a premarital counseling program. The purpose of this kind of pre-marital counseling is to expose the couple to the reality of marriage and equip them with skills to navigate difficult times.
1. Marriage Evolves
The reality of marriage is that it exposes a lot of your insecurities. Right now you might be experiencing something in your relationship that you weren’t experiencing before. This is because marriage evolves and you get to go through different phases of knowing each other. No matter how in love you are with someone, living together comes with its challenges.
Most cohabiting couples have no idea what this kind of stages and phases looks like. This is the number one reason why we designed premarital counseling for couples living together. It is important for you as a married couple either officially married or just living together to understand where you are and anticipate what might come in the future.
2. Planning to take the next step
If you’re planning to take the next step into being officially married, this counseling will help you and your partner address the current issue. Going through premarital counseling helps you understand each other better and give you a good foundation for marriage.
I have had the chance to counsel couples who have been living together before marriage. One of the biggest challenges for most of them is the transition. In most cases, one partner would want to make it official while the other doesn’t see the need to do so.
If you’re not yet sure if taking the next step is what you need, premarital counseling will help you answer some of your big questions.
3. Break the chain of isolation
In my profession as a pastor, I have had a chance to interact with several cohabiting couples. The majority of the women in those relationships are living in isolation. For some it’s because of shame, others are because of status, and others is because their men demand that they stay away from others.
My advice and solution to most of these situations are simple If someone says they love you let them take the next step and marry you officially. One thing that most men don’t understand is that women want security, emotionally, physically, and also financially.
4. Helps make Adjustment
Premarital counseling helps a couple make the necessary adjustment to improve and make their relationship better. You might be experiencing some issues right now in your relationship, and maybe things are so tough and wondering what to do. The future of your relationship as a couple is determined by our willingness to make adjustments.
Take the next step.
20 Benefits of doing premarital counseling as a cohabiting couple
These are the benefits of doing premarital counseling for couples living together. Ideally, this should be the result after going through the program. A premarital counselor should be able to help the couple start meaningful discussions.
- It helps you evaluate your relationships
- Forces you to make some important adjustments
- Help you understand why your partner behaves the way they do
- Equip you with conflict resolution skills
- It helps you understand and built an effective communication channel
- It helps you as a couple address your issues in a healthy way
- Gives a couple some sense of direction as you look into the future together
- Helps you understand your partner’s personality
- Help you be aware of what you’re committing to
- Helps a couple start meaningful conversations
- Helps the couple know if they are ready for marriage
- Allows a couple to evaluate their compatibility
- Helps the couple address and manage expectations
- A couple receive wise counsel concerning marriage
- Helps a couple have a conversation that they wouldn’t have heard on their own
- Helps a couple plan better for the future.
- Helps a couple address known issues
- Equip a couple with wisdom to deal with inlaws & friends
- Helps address past relationship baggage
- Helps a couple understand what marriage should be according to God original design
- Connects you with other couples
Premarital counseling questions for couples living together
If you’re looking to start the premarital session at home, these are some questions you might want to discuss with your partner. These questions are just a starting point, the goal is to help you have meaningful conversations about the future of your relationship.
- Why are we together?
- What’s the future plan?
- What do we need to adjust to make our relationship better?
- What’s our timeline for having children?
- How many children do we want?
- How are we managing our finances?
- What needs to change concerning our finances?
- We have been having this issue lately what do you think is the cause?
- What is our priority?
- Is there a plan for us to get married?
- Who are your friends and how are they building you to be a better person?
- What are your deal breakers and why are thy deal breakers?
- Have you ever been cheated on and how did that affect your view of Women/men?
- What’s your view on parenting?
- In case of an issue are you willing to go to couples counseling?
- What legacy do you want to leave?
- What sexual baggage do you have?
- Is there someone you are sexually connected to
- Let’s talk about inlaws?
- How can we communicate better?
God wants you to do marriage the right way. If you are already living with someone you need to decide what you want to do. The challenge of cohabiting is that couples can easily separate without divorce and this is not a sustainable way of living together. My wife and I are passionate about couples, our desire is to see couples happily married. My advice for you is to have a conversation with your partner about taking the next step into marriage.
The first adjustment is to agree to take the next step to get married. The best place to start is to sign up for premarital counseling for couples living together and start your journey. You can talk to your local pastor or find a premarital counselor to help you with the process.
The goal here is to help you start a conversation that will lead to a better future together. Communicate your desire to your partner and let them share what they feel about it. two people cannot walk together unless they agree.