Expectations in relationships hurt us for a number of reasons.
When it comes to expectations in relationships, it’s often said that too much expectation can lead to disappointment. And while it’s true that having high expectations of our partners can sometimes set us up for disappointment.
A new research suggests that there’s another side to the story: not having any expectations at all can also lead to relationship dissatisfaction.
A researcher Donald H. Baucom found that people who had no expectations of their partner were just as likely to be unhappy in their relationship as those who had high (and often unrealistic) expectations.
The study authors say this is because we tend to be happiest when our partner meets our basic needs and exceeds our expectations in small ways. When we have no expectations, we’re more likely to take our partner for granted and fail to notice the little things they do that make us happy.
The problem with expectations is that they’re often based on our own needs and wants rather than on what’s actually realistic or possible for our partner to do or be. When we set unrealistic expectations, we’re setting ourselves up for disappointment.
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Why do expectations hurt?
Expectations are often based on our own desires, style of love and fears rather than reality. When we expect things to happen, we set ourselves up for disappointment. Here are three reasons why expectations hurt:.
Reason One: Unmet Needs
When our needs are not met, we feel let down and may become resentful. This can happen in relationships when one person feels they are not getting enough attention or support. It can also happen at work if we feel our efforts are not being recognized or rewarded.
Reason two: Pressure to meet standards
Pressure can come from others or from ourselves. If we feel like we have to meet someone else’s expectations, it can be stressful and lead to anxiety. If we put pressure on ourselves to meet our own high standards, it can be difficult to enjoy life and be happy with our accomplishments.
Reason three: Unrealistic Standards
There are three main reasons why unrealistic expectations can hurt and make us unhappy: they can lead to feelings of inadequacy, frustration, and resentment.
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Expectations are often based on unrealistic ideas we’ve seen in the media, movies, or even from our friends’ relationships. We set these same expectations for our own relationship, not realizing that no one is perfect. Everyone makes mistakes and has flaws, including ourselves.
When we have high expectations for our relationship, we’re setting ourselves up for disappointment. We’re also putting a lot of pressure on our partner to meet these unrealistic standards. This can lead to arguments and resentment.
It’s important to remember that relationships take work and compromise from both partners. We can avoid putting too much stress on ourselves and our partners by setting more realistic expectations.