On the surface, the question seems simple and easy to answer but you will be surprised by how many people struggle to articulate their relationship vision as a couple. For many, they have never had this conversation and have no idea where to begin.
Today I want to share our simple framework that will help you as a dating couple craft a solid vision for your relationship and work together with clarity and passion. In the process, I will also give you 3 reasons why I think a relationship vision is important.
Vision clarifies direction, communicates interest or purpose, and provides the required motivation to make the necessary adjustments in the relationship moving forward.
3 Books we recommend for dating and relationships.
- Falling in Love Is Easy, Staying in Love Requires a Plan
- Boundaries in Dating: How Healthy Choices Grow Healthy Relationships
- The Sacred Search: What if It’s Not about Who You Marry, but Why?
For several months my wife and I have been interacting and working with young couples, something we love and are passionate about. Of all the many sessions we have had with them, the session that stands out as one of the most interesting ones is the vision session. Something that came as a surprise because we assumed everyone knows about relationship vision and how to craft one.
First, let me start by clarifying why vision is important in a relationship;
why vision is important in a relationship
As I had mentioned above a relationship vision does three things,
- Clarifies Direction-Where are we heading as a couple
- Communicate interest- Why are we together
- Provide the required motivation to make adjustments
Vision Clarifies Direction
No matter where you are in the world, or who you are currently in a relationship with, knowing where your relationship is heading will bring so much peace and security. You can agree with me that it’s very frustrating to be in a relationship that you have no idea what’s next.
” A lack of direction is a direct result of a lack of vision that will de-motivate the people involved.” Not having a vision will leave a couple de-motivated and frustrated with the journey. Instead of passionately working towards improving yourself for marriage you are wondering if you’re just babysitting someone until the right person comes.
“A lack of direction is a direct result of a lack of vision that will de-motivate the people involved.”Shadrack T. Ashaiyo
The Bible puts it this way “Where there is no vision, the people perish” Proverbs 29:18.
The second reason why vision is important is that vision communicates interest -“why Are we together”.
Vision Communicates Interest
The most important question we ask couples to answer is the question of purpose “why are we together”?. This sounds very obvious but it’s not. Understanding why you’re together will provide clarity on what needs to be done to stay together. The bible says’ Amos 3:3 “two cannot walk together unless they agree”. I must admit that it is very hard to genuinely know why someone is interested in you. However, there are some questions you can ask your future husband or wife to help you understand why they want you in their lives..
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- Why would you choose me over anyone else?
- What’s the purpose of us being together?
- What makes me the perfect match for you?
Once a couple knows why they are together and communicates with clarity the direction for their relationship it somehow motivates them to make the necessary adjustment in the relationship. This brings us to the third reason why relationship vision is important.
Vision motivates People to make the necessary adjustments
A couple that has a clear relationship vision will be motivated to work on their issues for the sake of the goal they have together.
Assume your vision as a couple is to “honor God with your relationship by living a sexually pure life till marriage and beyond”. If this is your vision as a couple you will be motivated to make the necessary adjustment to help you achieve the goal of sexual purity. That means putting boundaries and helping each other maintain those boundaries.
So vision motivates couples to make the necessary adjustments required to thrive in their relationship.
3 Steps to crafting a solid relationship vision today.
To help you craft a vision for your relationship you must first understand your values and what matters most in your future. What I mean by that, is first crafting your own personal life vision. Where are you going and why is it important. For example, when I was planning to date my now wife, I sat down and asked myself three main questions,
Who do I want to be in future
For those who know me, you know that I am passionate about couples and church planting. I knew I wanted to work with Young couples and lead a local church. Having the clarity of who I wanted to be helped me understand what kind of partner I wanted to have. I needed to understand my partner’s personal vision in light of my own before I even started engaging her in a relationship conversation.
I learned this in my previous relationship. It had taught me a painful yet powerful lesson that feeling alone is not enough to maintain a thriving relationship. Though feelings are important, God’s purpose for your life is critical and can never be ignored.
I am now married, working with couples, and leading a thriving local church. My wife is also passionately raising leaders serving God in her role and together we feel so much fulfilled working as a team. I know exactly how to support her in her role and she knows exactly how to support me in my role.
It’s Purpose that glues us together when feelings fade.Shadrack T. Ashaiyo
Once you have identified with clarity your purpose then it’s time to answer the next questions.
How does my partner fits in my future
By now you know that marriage is about serving each other. Understanding how your partner fits in your future will help you know how best to serve them. Using my example, if I married someone who doesn’t like church or enjoys hanging out with couples, I would be very frustrated right now. This is not because I don’t love them but simply because I wouldn’t be engaging in what God put me in this world to be.
So it is important for you to understand how your partner fits in your purpose. God won’t bring someone in your life who will drive you away from your purpose.
God will not bring you someone who will drive you away from your purpose.
What do we want to achieve together
Once you have answered the personal questions it is time to sit down with your partner and share notes. Finding where your vision intersects might be the purpose why God wants you to be together. Once you have an idea, craft it down on paper and then adjust your life accordingly.
Once my wife and I knew that God brought us together for the purpose of helping young couples navigate their relationship issue, we knew immediately what adjustments we needed to make. Some of the adjustments we had to make included setting boundaries, finding a mentor couple, and joining premarital counseling.
What’s next, once you have identified your shared vision, it’s important that you put down some goals you working on every single month or year.
Sample Relationship Vision
Here is some sample relationship vision to inspire you to craft your own compelling relationship vision.
- To honor God with our relationship by living a sexually pure life till marriage and beyond.
- To help couples navigate their relationship issues
- To have a marriage that will be an inspiration for those around us
- To always enjoy being together
This Questions will help you clarify intentions and provide direction for your relationship
Questions to Help Craft A Relationship Vision
- Why are we together
- Why do you want to get married to me
- When are we planning to get married
- What are we working on right now to help get us ready for marriage
- Are there issues we need to work one before starting the
- What makes a great marriage and how can we start working on ourselves towards that
- What things must be in place before we get married
- Why is our relationship different from the ones we had before
- Incase things don’t work out as planned how long can we wait for each other
- What three things if we do will make a huge impact on our relationship moving forward