Money is a leading cause of stress and divorce in marriages. According to a study by IDFA, 22% of divorces are caused by money-related issues.
Financial stress can put a strain on any relationship, but it doesn’t have to be a deal-breaker.
If you and your spouse are struggling to get on the same page financially, try these 10 proven tips and overcome money problems in your marriage.
Books that helped us shape our finances as a couple.
Tip 1. Talk about Money Early and Often.
Money is a touchy subject for many couples, so it’s important to have open and honest conversations about finances with your spouse from the start. Discuss your view on money, spending habits, income, debts, and financial goals. Be sure to listen to your spouse’s concerns, and beliefs and come up with a plan that works for both of you.
Here are simple questions to ask each other to begin the conversation;
- How do you feel about money?
- What are your spending habits?
- How was money viewed in your family?
- Do you have any debt?
- What are your financial goals?
- Is it “your money my money” or “our money”?
- What’s your take on financial responsibilities?
- Who pays for what?
- What’s your view on joint accounts?
- Is it a big deal if I earn more than you?
These are good questions to help you and your spouse address beliefs and worldviews when it comes to money.
Tip 2. Have a Clear Vision for Your Money.
The first step to overcoming money problems in marriage is to have a clear vision for your money. Proverbs 29:18 says Where there is no vision, the people perish: but he that keepeth the law, happy is he.
- What do you want your money to do for you?
- What are your long-term financial goals?
- What are your values around money?
Once you and your spouse are on the same page about what you want your money to do, you can start working towards common financial goals.
Tip 3. Discuss Your Money Personality Types.
What is a financial personality? A financial personality describes the way you relate to money. It’s based on your upbringing, your views on money, your value of money, and your spending and saving habits.
We all have different money personalities that can impact our spending and saving habits. There are five main money personality types; the money monks, the money hoarders, Avoider, the Amasser, and the spenders.
The Money Monk
The money monk is someone who is content with what they have and doesn’t care much for material possessions. They live simply and don’t spend much. They think money is the root of all evil and believe that having less money will make them happier.
You could be a Money Monk if;
- You’re content with what you have and don’t feel the need to upgrade your lifestyle.
- You think money is the root of all evil.
The Money Hoarder
The money hoarder is someone who is always worried about money and is constantly looking for ways to save. They are very frugal and don’t like to spend money on anything that isn’t a necessity.
You could be a Money Hoarder if;
- You’re always worried about money and looking for ways to save, save and save.
- You’re very frugal and don’t like to spend money on anything
- For you, buying things such as gifts, new clothes or going for dinner is a waste of money.
The money hoarder is someone who is very thrifty and lives below their means.
The Avoider
The avoider is someone who would rather not think about money or their financial situation. They avoid conversations about money and tend to be disorganized when it comes to their finances.
You could be an Avoider if;
- You avoid conversations about money.
- You’re disorganized when it comes to your finances.
- You get overwhelmed when it comes to budgeting.
Avoiders tend to be late on deadlines and pay bills.
An Avoider’s marriage is usually fine as long as both partners are on the same page about their financial situation. However, if one partner is an Avoider and the other is a planner, there can be some tension.
Tips for Overcoming
If you’re an Avoider, the first step is to face your finances head-on. This means getting organized and having regular conversations about money with your spouse.
Once you’re more comfortable with the numbers, you can start to make a budget. This will help you get a better handle on your spending and start to save for your future.
It’s also important to set some financial goals as a couple.
The Amasser
The amasser is someone who loves to make money and save money. They are always looking for ways to make more money and tend to be very frugal with their spending.
You could be an Amasser if;
- You enjoy having a lot of money.
- Money gives you a feeling of empowerment.
- You are constantly on the lookout for a way to make money.
The Amasser
The amasser is someone who loves to make money and save money. They are always looking for ways to make more money and tend to be very frugal with their spending.
You could be an Amasser if;
- You enjoy having a lot of money.
- Money gives you a feeling of empowerment.
- You are constantly on the lookout for a way to make money.
The Spender
The spender is someone who loves to spend money. They are not as concerned with saving money and may often find themselves in debt.
Spenders tend to;
- Enjoy buying things for themselves and others.
- Feel good when they can buy something new.
- Have trouble sticking to a budget.
If you find that you and your spouse are constantly arguing about money, it may be time to take a closer look at your money personality.
Related Post: 50 Premarital Counseling on Finance Questions
Tip 4. Have a Clear Goal for your Family.
Once you have understood your personality types, it will be much easier to find a way to communicate with your partner about money. The next step is to set clear financial goals for your family.
This will help you both stay on track and make decisions that are in line with your long-term objectives.
Recommended resources. The Psychology of Money, A Proven Plan for Financial Fitness.
Tip 5: Don’t keep secrets about money.
When one spouse tries to hide financial information from their partner, it becomes a source of major marital discord.
This can be anything from hiding credit card debts to spending money behind their back.
Not only is this incredibly unfair to your partner, but it can also lead to serious financial trust problems down the road.
If you’re keeping secrets about money, it’s time to come clean. Sit down with your spouse and have an honest discussion about your finances. This is the only way to build a foundation of trust in your relationship.
Tip 6: Have a Clear Budget and Stick to It
One of the best ways to overcome financial arguments is to develop a clear budget that both spouses agree to. This budget should include all of your income and expenses, so there are no surprises.
According to Gallup one out of 3 Americans has a budget. The problem with a budget, however, is that having one is easy; it’s the following step to keep it that matters. Once you have a budget in place, it’s important to stick to it.
This means making sacrifices when necessary and sticking to your goals. Agree on who is good with money and have them enforce the rules so you don’t stray from your budget.
Use this Clever Fox Budget Planner for your budgeting.
Tip 6: Have Regular Money Dates.
Another way to overcome financial problems in your marriage is to have regular money dates. This is where you and your spouse sit down and discuss your finances.
This is a time to talk about your financial goals, your budget, and any concerns you have about money.
Having regular money dates will help keep you both on the same page financially. It’s also a great way to resolve any arguments you may have about money.
Tip 7: Have a Joint Account.
There is a whole debate about whether or not married couples should have a joint account or separate accounts. And, while there are pros and cons to both, having at least one joint account can help avoid money problems in marriage.
For example, if all of your earnings are going into one account and then be divided up between the two of you based on what you each need or want, it can help you stay on the same page in regards to your finances.
You’ll each be able to see what is being spent and where your money is going, which can help avoid any surprises down the road.
Plus, having a joint account can also make it easier to handle shared expenses, like your mortgage, rent, or paying off debts.
Tip 8: Get Professional Help.
If you and your spouse can’t seem to get on the same page financially, it may be time to seek professional help.
A financial advisor can provide wise counsel in regards to money and how to best manage it as a couple. This could be a great way to get started on the right foot financially as a married couple.
Tip 9: Fight The Issue Not The Person.
While in marriage you are bound to fight from time to time, you should make a concerted effort to never make your spouse the enemy.
This is easier said than done when money is the root of the problem, but try to remember that you are fighting the issue, not the person.
Find out what the root cause is and try to work together to find a solution that will work for both of you.
Tip 10: Don’t Allow Money to Be the Center of Your Marriage.
Another important way to keep money from becoming a problem in your marriage is to avoid making it the center of your relationship.
Some couples become so focused on money that they allow it to control their lives and their marriage.
This can lead to all sorts of problems, from financial stress to resentment and even infidelity.
If you find that money is starting to become too important in your marriage, make a conscious effort to focus on other aspects of your relationship.
Summary
Every couple is different, and so are their money problems. I recommend you see a financial advisor to advise you on the way forward. Use this article as inspiration to help you start the conversation.
