Tips to prepare for marriage well.
So you’re preparing for marriage? Congratulations! This is one of the most important decisions you will ever make in your life.
Marriage is a covenant that God has instituted between Himself, a man and woman. It is one of His most sacred gifts, and it should be entered into with great care and preparation.
Unfortunately, we prepare for everything else in life .e school, work, kids, etc. but often fail to prepare for marriage yet it’s the one institution that will have the most impact on our lives.
According to a study, this lack of thorough preparation has contributed to many marriages falling apart and ending in separation or divorce. So this is something that shouldn’t be taken lightly.
Marriage is a beautiful institution ordained by God. It’s important to understand His original purpose for marriage and the parameters that He has put in place if you are to have a successful happy marriage. This is not the only reason you should prepare for marriage – here are 10 more legitimate reasons why you should do so.
In this comprehensive marriage preparation guide, we will discuss the steps that you need to take to prepare for a successful marriage.
We will cover everything from preparing yourself emotionally and spiritually, to understanding the basic needs of men and women. This will include practical tips and biblical advice on how to prepare well for a life together.
If you are serious about preparing for a successful marriage, then this guide is for you. May these tips bless you as you walk down the path toward marital bliss!
Let’s dive in.
Tip #1: Assess Yourself
One of the most important things you can do to prepare well for marriage is to take a good, hard look at yourself. This means getting in touch with who you are as an individual and understanding your own emotions, fears, insecurities, needs, baggage, and triggers.
You must assess where you are in these seven areas if you wish to genuinely think about a future with someone else.
Assessing your spiritual life and relationship with God is one of the critical areas that everyone must think about when they are thinking about marriage.
This is because your spiritual life informs your worldview and decision-making. If you are not in a good place spiritually, it will be difficult to make the right decision concerning who to marry and why to marry them.
There are a few key questions that you need to ask yourself to assess where you are spiritually with God.
- Do I have a personal relationship with God?
- How am I making decisions about marriage?
- What are we doing that is displeasing to God and how are we fixing it before marriage?
- What is our spiritual compatibility?
- Do we have the same values?
- Do we pray together?
- What is our view of marriage?
Pastor Francis Chan and his wife Lisa wrote a fantastic book ‘You and Me Forever: Marriage in Light of Eternity’ which is part of our huge list of Couples’ books to read together. You can find it on Amazon.
All of these questions are important to assess where you are spiritually and whether or not you’re ready for marriage. If you’re struggling in this area we recommend this devotional for couples to read together. You can thank me later.
Emotional preparation for marriage is just as important as spiritual preparation. If you’re not emotionally ready, your marriage will be harder than it needs to be. Here are a few key questions to ask yourself to see if you’re emotionally ready for marriage.
What I mean by ‘emotionally ready’ is that you have dealt with some of your internal conflicts, past baggage, insecurities, trauma, and anything else that might be bothering you emotionally.
- Do I have any baggage from my past relationships?
- Do I need to forgive anyone?
- Do I have any fears or insecurities that I need to deal with?
- Do I have any fears or reservations about this relationship?
- Is there something that scares me about marrying this person?
Assessing yourself emotionally will mean being honest with what you feel about the relationship and yourself. If you can’t be honest with yourself, then you’re not ready to get married.
Related Post: 50 Bible verses for anxiety to calm your spirit
Men and women prepare for marriage differently. For men, it’s usually about being able to answer the question “Am I ready financially?” “Am I old enough?” Once they can answer those questions, they settle mentally.
Women, on the other hand, think more about nurturing. They ask themselves “Am I ready to live with someone?” “Is this person able to take care of me?” “Am I marrying the right person? ”What will my family think about him?” etc.
Here are a few questions to help you prepare well mentally:
- What do I think my role in marriage is?
- What are my fears currently and how are we handling them?
- What do I think is my partner’s role in marriage is?
- What are my expectations?
- How do I see our future?
- What is my emotional state right now and how might it change after marriage?
Men are more driven by the desire to provide while women are more settled mentally when they feel safe.
Money is one of the most important things in a marriage relationship – it’s often the source of arguments and can be a major stressor. If you’re not on the same page financially, it can be tough to make your marriage work.
Recent studies show that money is among the top 3 reasons why couples are divorcing. So, if you’re not careful, money can ruin your marriage before it even starts.
Here are a few tips to help you prepare for a successful marriage financially:
Related Post: 10 Proven Tips to Overcome Money Problems in Marriage
- Talk about your views on money. Do you believe that money should be shared equally or do you think that each person should handle their own finances?
- Understand each other’s financial backgrounds. What was your family’s relationship with money growing up? Did your parents fight about money often? How did they handle their finances? It’s important to understand where your partner is coming from when it comes to money.
- Understand each other’s money personalities. There are four main money personalities: spender, saver, risk-taker, and security seeker. It’s important to understand your partner’s money personality so you can find a happy medium between spending and saving.
We have a full list of money-related questions to discuss before marriage in our premarital counseling series.
Getting married because of wrong motives will only lead to an unsuccessful marriage. Some examples of wrong motives are:
- You think marriage will fix all your problems.
- You’re getting married because you’re pregnant.
- You’re trying to escape your current situation (i.e. job, living situation, etc.).
- You’re getting married because it’s what your parents want.
- You’re getting married because you think it will make you happy.
The list goes on, but these are some of the most common wrong motives for marriage. If your motive is anything other than wanting to spend the rest of your life with your best friend, then you’re likely setting yourself up for disappointment. So the big question for you right now is, Why are you getting married?
Honestly assessing the state of your relationship is critical to prepping for a successful marriage. Below are some key questions to help you prepare relationally for marriage:
- Do we spend enough quality time together?
- What’s your view of my family?
- Do we communicate openly and effectively?
- Do we have the same values and vision for our future?
- Do you trust me?
- Do I have any reservations about you?
Many couples rush into marriage without addressing these important questions. But if you want your marriage to last, you must take the time to get to know each other and build a strong foundation for your future together.
Tip #2: Acquire Knowledge & Understanding
By wisdom a house is built, and through understanding, it is established; through knowledge its rooms are filled with rare and beautiful treasures.Proverbs 24:3-4
According to this scripture, a house is built with wisdom, established through understanding, and made beautiful through knowledge. So if we are to build a solid successful marriage, it will take more than just love.
In the context of marriage, having wisdom, acquiring knowledge and understanding is critical in preparing someone for a successful marriage.
Let me explain this in-depth.
By wisdom, a house is built. What does that mean? It means that if you want a successful marriage, you have to be wise. You can’t go into marriage with your eyes closed, thinking that love will conquer all— because it doesn’t. Love is important but there’s more to marriage than just love.
Whoever walks with the wise becomes wise, but the companion of fools will suffer harm.Proverbs 13:20 ESV
- You need ‘wisdom’ to know what you’re getting yourself into, know what to expect and how to deal with the challenges that come your way.
- You need ‘wisdom’ to know how to navigate the different seasons of marriage.
How do you get this wisdom?
There are a few ways to acquire this wisdom:
1. Ask God to give you wisdom. The Bible says if anyone lacks wisdom, he should ask God (James 1:5 If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you.)
2.Seek Wise Counsel– people who have been married and care to share their wisdom. It can be a relative, a pastor, a mentor couple, a professional counselor, etc. (Proverbs 15:22 Plans fail for lack of counsel, but with many advisers, they succeed.)
Related Post: 10 Steps to choosing a perfect premarital counselor.
“…through understanding, a house is established”
This is a simple but powerful principle. When we talk about understanding we are talking about empathy; the ability to see things from your spouse’s perspective, to understand their feelings, needs, fears, and wants.
It is important to understand that we are two different people with different backgrounds, upbringing, and perspectives. It only through understands that we can come together as one and build a strong foundation for our marriage.
How do you acquire understanding?
- Communicate. The best way to understand your spouse is to communicate with them. Talk to them, ask questions, and listen to their answers. Don’t just listen to hear but truly try to understand where they are coming from.
- Love Language. Everyone has a different love language. What might be a gesture of love for you, might not mean anything to your spouse. It is important to learn and understand your spouse’s love language so you can effectively communicate love to them.
- Roles & Expectations. It is important to understand each other’s roles and expectations in the marriage.
What are your responsibilities?
What are your expectations of each other?
When you know and understand these things, it will help you prepare well for marriage and help you avoid conflict and misunderstanding.
“…through knowledge, the rooms are filled with rare and beautiful treasures.”
In the context of marriage, knowledge is power.
The more you know about your spouse, your role as a husband or wife, the more you can understand marriage and keep thriving in it.
- You need knowledge to know how to communicate effectively, how to handle finances, in-laws, children and so much more.
How do you acquire knowledge?
- Books & Seminars. There are many books and seminars on marriage that can help you acquire the knowledge you need for a successful marriage. Here are our top books you can read today.
- Pre-Marital Counseling Class. If you are serious about preparing for marriage, I highly recommend taking a pre-marital counseling class. This is a class that is usually offered by the church or community and it’s a great way to learn more about each other and marriage. It includes premarital counseling questions and premarital counseling topics geared to help you prepare for marriage.
- Mentor Couples. Mentor couples are married couples who have been where you are and can offer you guidance, support, and advice. If you don’t have any mentor couples in your life, I encourage you to seek them out. You can usually find them through your church or community.
Acquiring knowledge is not only critical in the beginning stages of marriage, but throughout the entirety of marriage. In fact, one could argue that acquiring knowledge is even more important after the wedding day than before. Because once you’re married, there are no do-overs.
You’re in it for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do you part. So it’s critical that you acquire as much knowledge and understanding about marriage as possible.
Tip #3: Count the Cost of being Married
The third tip for preparing for marriage is to count the cost of successful marriage. This may seem like an obvious tip, but it’s one that is often overlooked.
Related Post: The Cost of marriage Counselor and Cheaper Options
It’s important to sit down with your future spouse and discuss what it really means to be married. This comes with understanding what it takes to have a happy, successful marriage.
Let’s look at what Apostle Paul has to say about marriage.
21 Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. 22 Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything. 25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her…Ephesians 5:22-25
From this verse we can conclude three things.
- First, marriage is a relationship of submission.
- Second, wives should demonstrate their love by submission.
- Third, Christ-like love should be the foundation that husbands use to lead their wives.
So ask yourself if you’re willing to submit to your future spouse and if you’re prepared to love them selflessly. These are important questions to consider before taking the plunge into marriage.
This kind of love doesn’t happen accidentally or overnight. It’s something that needs to be worked on every day. If a woman is unwilling to submit and a man is unwilling to sacrificially love, then they are not ready for marriage.
Tip #4: Join Premarital Counseling
If you want to prepare for marriage the right way, then sign up for premarital counseling. This is a great way to navigate the difficult questions, topics, and myths of marriage. Plus, it’s a great opportunity to get to know your partner on a deeper level.
Premarital counseling has so many benefits and it can help you:
- Understand each other’s expectations;
- Understand the meaning of marriage;
- Work through any current or potential relationship issues;
- Address topics like finances, sex, conflict and communication;
- Equip you with skills to handle conflicts.
If you’re serious about preparing for marriage, then premarital counseling is a great way to get started. Talk to your partner about signing up for counseling and find a therapist that you both feel comfortable with.
Tip #5: Don’t be distracted by the wedding
While it’s important to put some thought into the wedding day itself, don’t let the planning process consume you. The wedding is just one day – albeit an important one – but it’s not the be-all and end-all of your relationship. Keep things in perspective and don’t lose sight of what’s really important: your marriage.
If you find yourself feeling anxious or stressed about getting married, it may be helpful to seek out professional help. A therapist can help you work through any fears or concerns you may have, and they can provide valuable guidance as you prepare for this major life transition.
Things to consider:
- Don’t get married in debt since you want to finance your wedding. Weddings can be expensive but they do not have to be.
- Don’t let the glamour of the wedding distract you from the goal of marriage, which is to start well.
Hopefully these tips will help you prepare for a successful marriage! Just remember to keep things in perspective and focus on what’s really important.
Tip #6: Lay a good foundation
The Bible says a wise man built this house on the rock and the rain came down and the floods came and beat on that house but it did not fall because it was well built on a good solid foundation.
24 “Everyone then who hears these words of mine and does them will be like a wise man who built his house on the rock. 25 And the rain fell, and the floods came, and the winds blew and beat on that house, but it did not fall, because it had been founded on the rock. 26 And everyone who hears these words of mine and does not do them will be like a foolish man who built his house on the sand. 27 And the rain fell, and the floods came, and the winds blew and beat against that house, and it fell, and great was the fall of it.”Matthew 7:24-27
The question to ask yourself is, are you laying a good foundation for your marriage? Because the storm will come, and what will matter most is whether your marriage is built on a strong solid foundation. You can prepare for marriage and lay a good foundation by doing the following things:
- The wise man in this verse is referring to someone who builds their life on Jesus Christ. If you want your marriage to last, you need to make sure that you have a strong foundation in Christ.
- Build a strong friendship. In marriage, you are not just marrying your spouse, you are also marrying their family and friends. You need to make sure that you have a strong friendship with your in-laws and friends of your spouse. These relationships will be important during the good times and the bad times.
- Principles and boundaries. Develop healthy principles and boundaries before you get married. These principles and boundaries will help to keep your marriage healthy and strong.
All of these tips are important if you want to prepare for a successful marriage. Take the time to prepare
Final thoughts on preparing for marriage
As you can see, there is a lot of work that goes into preparing for a successful marriage.
If you want to be as prepared as possible, we recommend that you assess yourself, acquire knowledge and understanding, and join premarital counseling.
We’ve also put together a list of the top best premarital counseling books for you to check out. Marriage is one of the most important decisions you will ever make in your life – make sure you go into it with your eyes wide open and armed with the right tools.
God bless your union!