The first thing many couples think of when they hear premarital counseling is “getting married”. And while the primary intention here is not wrong, it does miss an important aspect when moving forward with marriage. Premarital counseling should be seen as a tool to help you prepare well for marriage, not a quick fix for your relationship problems. So when should you start premarital counseling?
In this blog post, I’ll share some factors to consider as you look to set a date to start the program.
Here are the best resources that go hand in hand with this guide. (Available on Amazon--Start a 30-day free trial here)
- Preparing for Marriage Couples Guide
- Preparing for Marriage Leaders Guide
- The Meaning of Marriage-Timothy Keller
- Devotions for Engaged Couples- Gary Thomas
Not sure where to start with a premarital counseling conversation, start here.
As a pastor and relationship coach, I generally recommend premarital counseling at least one year before the wedding day. However, there are occasions where this is not possible; in these cases, we recommend at least 7 months.
Due to the nature of premarital counseling, prospective couples should plan on devoting a lengthy amount of time in order to get the most out of it. These premarital counseling questions should be discussed thoroughly even one wants to get the best out of the program.
Here are eight reasons why we recommend couples start premarital counseling a year before their wedding day. Should you do it before or after engagement learn more here.
Gives Ample Time To Focus On The Program
Many couples who come for premarital counseling when their wedding date is fast approaching are in a hurry and the focus of the programs tends to suffer because of it.
The ability to invest time and critically look at your relationship with an eye on marriage can be very challenging when you have a short amount of time to go before tying the knot.
If we take into consideration that most people already come with baggage (past relationships) when looking forward to their new union. Giving yourself ample time when preparing for marriage is important in order to set things up properly.
It Helps A Couple Discuss Issues And Work On Them Without Rushing
One thing we found when premarital counseling is done within a year before the wedding day is that it gives couples ample time to discuss issues, address them and work on them without rushing.
For example, when I take couples through our premarital program when their wedding date is approaching fast, they tend not to think clearly over issues and questions covered. They are too busy thinking about the wedding and the plans leading up to it. Also, when couples come very close to the wedding day, they tend to rush their decision-making process when it comes to issues that are important in marriage.
Affords Time For A Couple To Plan For Marriage and not a wedding:
Planning for marriage requires time, it is just one thing couples who come close to their wedding day may tend to forget, especially when everyone else thinks it’s all about the wedding preparations.
Like I said earlier, the primary intention behind premarital counseling is not solely to prepare for marriage but to help you prepare and face marriage when the time is right.
However, when making plans for your wedding, keep in mind that premarital counseling should be seen as a process, not an event. The lessons learned will not go unnoticed when you live out and embrace married life.
A Year Provides Clarity And Focus:
Since most couples have been together for years or are engaged when they sign up for premarital counseling programs. They already have a good idea of who each other really is. A year before the wedding day allows couples to sift through their relationship when it comes to dating standards and expectations.
Premarital counseling questions help them differentiate between what’s good about their relationship from what’s bad. The topics discussed will unfold things you never knew about yourself or your partner. With these new realities, a couple should be able to differentiate and make a clear and conscious decision whether they should go ahead and commit.
Helps Make Critical Adjustments
A year before your wedding day is an ideal amount of time to set a deadline to discuss issues that need ironing out and gain a proper understanding of your individual and collective values when you get married.
This will not only help you both walk into marriage with confidence about the choices you made, but also allow for any adjustments that are required when moving forward.
Some Issues Will Require Time To Work On:
Once you start premarital counseling classes, it will become clear that some issues require time and effort before they can be resolved.
If you’re already planning your wedding day, this might not leave you enough time to adequately work on these matters.
This is why we recommend starting the session at least a year before your wedding day, it will give you enough time to work on those issues.
Related Post: Tips to Prepare for a Successful Marriage [A Comprehensive Guide]
There Are Some Things You Should Discuss Before The Wedding:
Although some people might think that you can discuss most things when you’re married, there are still many issues that need addressing when you talk about them early on. Issues such as finances, sex, family life, and so on need to be discussed before officially getting hitched.
A Year Will Help Couples Prepare Mentally:
Couples get emotionally attached when they plan for their wedding day, when the time draws near it can be hard to concentrate on other things such as premarital counseling.
If you sign up for a year before your wedding day, it will allow you to prepare mentally when the big day comes around.
When some issues need addressing, couples coming close to their wedding date may tend to make embarrassing decisions. This is because of emotional attachment or pressure from family and friends. Even worse still when couples are not ready for marriage when they enter into it when asked by family and friends why don’t they just hold off the nuptials until they sort out all those issues.
Conclusion:When Should You Start Premarital Counseling?
Now you understand why we recommend starting premarital counseling at least 1 year before your wedding day.
Like I said earlier, the primary intention behind premarital counseling is not solely to prepare for marriage but to help you prepare and face marriage when the time is right.
However, when making plans for your wedding, keep in mind that premarital counseling should be seen as a process, not an event. The lessons learned will not go unnoticed when you live out and embrace married life.
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