If you’re considering marriage, premarital counseling is a great idea.
In this blog post, I will share ten reasons why you need premarital counseling, and why we think every Christian couple who wants to have a healthy marriage should seriously consider it!
To be honest the process of getting to know someone before committing to them can be difficult and confusing.
Pre-marriage counseling will help you as a Christian couples get on the same page about values, goals, expectations, and communication styles. So that you can make an informed decision about whether or not you want to marry each other.
Here are the best resources that go hand in hand with this guide. (Available on Amazon--Start a 30-day free trial here)
- Preparing for Marriage Couples Guide
- Preparing for Marriage Leaders Guide
- The Meaning of Marriage-Timothy Keller
- Devotions for Engaged Couples- Gary Thomas
Not sure where to start with a premarital counseling conversation, start here.
It’s also a good way for couples who are already married but struggling with issues in their relationship to find solutions together.
Marriage is a union that God designed to be perfect. It is also one of the most legally binding contracts in society, which means there are many things to consider before taking such an important step into this commitment.
Premarital counseling helps prepare couples for what they will face during their married life and how they can better work together as partners on difficult topics.
1) Provides Guidance on How To Work Together As Partners
As we mentioned earlier, premarital counseling prepares couples for the future by helping them work through topics that will come up during their marriage. One of the ways this is done is by discussing how partners can work together as a team and what type of qualities are needed to be successful with such an arrangement.
Some of the qualities we encourage couples to think about and discuss include:
- How they will handle finances.
- Household tasks, such as who might be responsible for cooking dinner each night.
- Parenting decisions including matters like discipline.
This type of discussion is important because it can help couples know what they’re getting into with their partner before committing themselves to marriage and working together over a lifetime.
Couples that don’t work through these details beforehand may find themselves disagreeing on various topics or struggling to reach compromises without even realizing it, which could eventually cause tension within the relationship itself! It’s best to have this conversation during premarital counseling instead of waiting until you’ve already started your life together as husband and wife.
2) Pre marriage Counseling Helps Deal With Issues That Must Be Addressed Before Marriage
Sometimes couples enter into premarital counseling after they have already said their “I do’s,” but this is not always the case.
Some couples choose to go through premarital counseling before marriage to deal with issues that must be addressed before getting married, such as finances or difficult conversations about sex and infidelity.
These can be tough topics for a couple to face together without some guidance from experts who specialize in these areas!
A premarital counselor will help you navigate these difficult questions. Helping you address issues that you need to talk about before you get married.
3) Premarital Counseling Helps Couples Navigate Through Difficult Times Together
For many couples, premarital counseling becomes a place where they can openly discuss the difficult times that may arise in their marriage.
Sometimes these are problems that one person cannot solve on his or her own! There’s no shame in admitting this and there is great value in having another set of ears to help you work through some issues together as a team.
A spouse who supports us during tough times is worth more than words can express because without such support it would be hard for any relationship to grow and thrive.
4) Premarital Counseling Helps Couples Work Through Important Financial Issues Together
It’s not uncommon for couples to have disputes about money. Whether it be over the expense of a wedding or how much they’re spending on groceries, finances can make or break any marriage if one spouse is always in charge and making decisions without input from the other person.
Couples should be able to discuss money personality and saving strategies with their premarital counselor, so they can find out what works and what doesn’t.
5) Premarital Counseling Helps Couples Talk Through Family Matters
Discussing how the couple would deal with extended family dynamics in their marriage is important. Who will be on which side of the aisle at weddings?
What about holidays or birthdays- who should call relatives, and when? Etcetera.
These are all things that each spouse needs to understand before going into a marriage so they can make informed decisions together as a team.
The premarital counselor can help by providing both partners with tools to communicate more effectively during conflicts about this topic. Or just provide some education if it’s an area they haven’t discussed much yet!
6) Premarital Counseling Is An Opportunity To Learn About One Another Before Pledging Your Vows In Front Of God.
During the premarital counseling session, you will learn so many things about yourself and your partner that will shape your relationship moving forward.
Here are some things that you might learn in premarital counseling:
– What is important to each person and how they want their life together to look.
– The level of conflict tolerance for both individuals.
– How much the couple wants children or not, as well as other family planning decisions like birth control methods and parenting expectations.
– Financial agreements including who should bring what money into the marriage – if any at all – plus individual financial goals post marriage.
Premarital counseling will help set clear boundaries on various topics so no one gets hurt down the road- by an assumption made about something else that wasn’t discussed during premarital counseling with a counselor trained in this field.
7) Premarital Counselors Can Help Couples Discuss Sexual Matters
It’s also important to understand sexual boundaries- what the couple is comfortable with, what they’re not. The premarital counselor can help couples discuss these things and more effectively work through disagreements or conflicts that may arise overtime on this topic.
Just like with family matters, some of you might be thinking “oh we know all about it.” But if you haven’t yet discussed these topics together as a married team then premarital counseling would give an opportunity for education and discussion before going into marriage in order to make informed decisions!
The premarital counselor will provide both partners with tools to communicate more effectively during conflicts about sex or just provide some education if it’s an area they have not discussed much yet!
8) Premarital Counseling Helps You With Tools To Effectively Communicate With Each Other During Conflicts
In marriage conflict is inevitable and there is never a shortage of things to argue about. How couples communicate during marital conflicts can make or break their relationship- this is something premarital counselors help with by providing both partners with tools and education on how to better listen and process what the other needs when communicating such topics.
For example, premarital counselors often recommend a “conversation journal” that helps couples communicate more effectively by providing them with time to process their thoughts and emotions before they speak.
This tool is especially helpful when one spouse feels like the other just isn’t listening or doesn’t care about what’s on his/her mind. The conversation journal gives both partners an opportunity to be heard without having any distractions at the moment (like TV, work, etc.).
The premarital counselor also may provide each partner with tools such as how to deal with disagreements of opinions or how best to negotiate solutions where they disagree- all skills necessary for healthy communication within marriage!
Premarital counseling prepares you way in advance before you step into that space with your partner.
9) Premarital Counseling Helps You Talk Through Family background And Personal History
Different family backgrounds can be a source of conflict, premarital counseling helps couples talk through this topic.
Family background is something that will affect each person in the marriage and it’s important to know what to expect before tying the knot. Premarital counselors can help by providing tools for talking about these differences or educating if they are not an area you have talked much yet!
Question to deal with might include;
-What are the traditions in your culture that will affect me as your spouse?
– Are there childhood events that shaped your life and how will they affect us in the future?
– What lifestyle changes will I need to make?
-What sexual relationship have you had in the past and how did it shape your view about sex?
Talking through these differences may not be easy but it can help a couple build their relationship on a more solid foundation.
10) Premarital Counseling Helps You Understand God’s Design For Marriage
To have a successful marriage as Christian couples we must first understand God’s original intent for marriage. The premarital counselor can provide this information and help you to understand the biblical basis for marriage.
The premarital counseling will start by looking back at God’s original design, which is that one man should cleave unto one woman (Genesis 2:24) – not multiple wives or husbands.
The Bible also says in Ephesians 5:25“Husbands love your wife as Christ loved the church.” For a Christian couple, this means being committed for life- through good times and bad- no matter what happens along the way.
Premarital counseling helps couples discuss these concepts prior to their wedding day so they know exactly how far either partner would go if it came down to divorce.
Premarital counseling can also help couples understand the unique roles that God has designed for them within marriage. A man is to lead, provide for and protect the family while a woman is to submit in respect.
Premarital counseling will also discuss how spouses are called by God not only to love each other but individually as well- which means being honest with oneself about one’s own struggles and tendencies so they can avoid harming their spouse.
Premarital counseling is a chance for couples to discuss what they want their marriage to be like.
It’s an opportunity for them to explore the issues that are important and difficult in marriages today, but also create a plan of action together before committing themselves to each other forever.
In our next blog post, we will talk about how premarital counseling can help with financial planning as well as legacy building- stay tuned!
Let us know what premarital topic you’re excited about?