It’s no secret that marriages have their ups and downs. If you’re among the 1/3 of all couples who have a fight, it’s difficult to understand why this happens so often. In fact, according to the National Marriage Project, 69% of newlyweds had some sort of marital disagreement. But why do newlyweds fight a lot?
This blog post will discuss 10 common causes of why newlyweds fight and what you can do to resolve them!
When two people get together, there are numerous adjustments and changes that must be made. As a result, both individuals may find themselves irritated with each other over minor issues.
I’m sure you’ve discussed this in your premarital counseling course if not, please allow me to repeat it. It is not simple to get married! It takes effort to adjust and compromise with your partner, but it’s definitely worthwhile.
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Here are some possible reasons why newlyweds fight a lot.
1) Personality Difference
You and your partner may have different personalities. One of you might be more easy-going while the other one is loud, passionate, or serious.
It doesn’t mean that they are right or wrong; it’s just how two people with contrasting styles manage to get along together! This can lead to why newlyweds fight a lot if they fail to recognize their differences and respect each other for them.
It’s important that both of you discuss why you think your partner is different from yourself and how it affects the way you interact with one another.
For example, why does your partner say he/she finds you difficult to talk with? In turn, why do you find it hard talking to him or her? What can both of you do in the future so that this doesn’t happen again?
2) Family Background
How we were raised has a significant impact on how we act and solve problems. If you come from a family where solving problems included shouting, name-calling, or breaking objects; you might find it difficult to adjust in a marriage where these actions are not encouraged.
The same goes for the opposite situation; if one person comes from a family where it is more common to keep quiet and avoid conflict, they may not know how to stand up for themselves or feel comfortable expressing their true feelings.
If this is the case, you must learn about why your partner thinks differently than you do so that both of you can adjust accordingly moving forward! Otherwise, there will be a lot of arguing and it will take a toll on your marriage.
3) Money Personality
Money is the number one cause of conflict for many couples. The truth is, money can either bring people together or tear them apart! It’s so important that both individuals are on the same page about their financial goals, habits, and beliefs when it comes to spending.
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For example, you may be a saver while your spouse is a spender. This difference in money personality can lead to unnecessary fights in your marriage.
It’s really simple- both of you need to sit down, discuss your goals and beliefs about money, and come up with a plan that works for both of you. If one partner feels he or she is not being taken seriously or feels unimportant; this is a great place to talk it out. Some couples opt to go in the direction of a joint account.
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There are few things more stressful than dealing with the in-laws! I’m sorry to break it to you, but if you don’t discuss expectations in regards to this issue prior to the wedding, you will have problems later on.
Most newlyweds are not prepared for how often their in-laws might be involved in their marriage. Especially in your early years of marriage, it’s important to establish rules with your in-laws.
For example, you may need to set boundaries about when they can visit or how often they are allowed to call/text/email. If this is not discussed prior, it’s likely that problems will arise later on! Many couples find these types of issues so stressful and overwhelming that they result in multiple fights.
5) Marriage Roles
Another big area of conflict for many couples is the role expectations around marriage.
For example, men and women may feel pressure about how they should act within their new roles as husband/wife.
Some people want to be submissive while others are more likely to take control of situations or make decisions without consulting his or her spouse. This can lead to why newlyweds fight and it’s really important to discuss these roles before the wedding.
Remember, how you were raised has a big impact on your thoughts about gender roles in marriage. If one or both of you come from families where men/women are seen as superior- this is something that needs to be discussed thoroughly!
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6) Said or Unsaid Expectations
This is another one of the most common reasons why newlyweds fight.
It’s important to understand that expectations are set by both partners in a marriage, even though they might not always be aware of it! For example, if you expect your spouse to take care of all household chores while simultaneously working 40+ hours per week- this is a recipe for disaster.
Couples must discuss and come up with an agreement regarding their expectations early on in the marriage! Otherwise, they will continue to get into arguments about these issues which can lead to divorce if not addressed properly.
7) House chores
This sounds very simple but I know for a fact that it is one of the most common causes for why newlyweds fight.
Remember, men and women have very different ideas about housework. In some cases, this can lead to hostility from both partners if not sorted out early on in your marriage.
For example, you may be used to cleaning up after yourself while your spouse grew up with a mom who does all of the household chores.
8) Religious Views
Going to church as a couple is not always as easy as it seems. Inreagadrs to this, some couples let religious views lead to marital conflict.
For example, you may be more liberal while your spouse might have very conservative views on certain issues. This can make for an uncomfortable situation if not discussed properly!
For example, you might view certain conversations from a religious point of view while your partner might view them from a more secular standpoint.
In many cases, you might struggle to find a balance because no one wants to compromise.
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Similar to religious views, having different values can result in why newlyweds fight.
For example, you might be more of a homebody while your spouse likes going out every weekend. This is an issue that must be discussed before the wedding! Otherwise, it will lead to marital conflict and problems later on.
Remember: try not to get too caught up with your spouse’s views. This can lead to resentment and it will most likely result in a divorce.
Remember: both partners should be respectful of the other’s values, but also not lose their own sense of self!
It might sound very simple but setting boundaries is one of the best things you can do for your relationship.
10) Sex Expectations
Sex is a common area of conflict for many couples. Newlyweds have no idea how often they should be having sex, what kinds of things they should try together, and so on.
Seriously, guys- it’s important to figure this out prior to the wedding! If you don’t discuss it before saying “I do” there is a great chance that you will find yourselves in an argument about these issues for years to come.
This to discuss here might be,
- How often do you want to have sex?
- Role Playing/Movies or No Role Playing/Movies
- What is your take on pornography?
- What about sex toys? etc
These are some of the most common reasons why newlyweds fight. remember Marriage is about finding balance and a rhythm that works for both of you.
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